News to Amuse

Although the presidential race is certainly worth mentioning, I’ll leave that for respectable news outlets. I point your attention to other events that are equally newsworthy.

Founder of LSD dies of heart attack. On Tuesday, Albert Hofmann died in his Switzerland home at the ripe age of 102. Hofmann is the Swiss chemist who discovered the psychotropic effects of LSD by “accidentally” ingesting the substance. As reported by the NYT, “More important to him than the pleasures of the psychedelic experience was the drug’s value as a revelatory aid for contemplating and understanding what he saw as humanity’s oneness with nature.” Former hippies all over the world are holding vigils in Hofmann’s honor. The entire city of Berkeley has shut down in a moment of silence. Opportunistic business-owners have begun restocking their shelves with tie-dye t-shirts, causing a spike in epileptic seizures and bad taste.

When is a Lesbian not a Lesbian? A legal dispute is brewing in the capital city of Greece. The suit is against the Homosexual and Lesbian Community of Greece–plaintiffs are three individuals from the island of “Lesbos,” which is located in the Aegean Sea. Plaintiffs take issue with defendant’s use of “Lesbian” in its name, as natives of Lesbos are Lesbians. Although much of the world defines “lesbians” as women who are romantically and sexually attracted to other women, the natives of Lesbos have been Lesbians for far longer. Curiously enough, Lesbos is also the birthplace of the ancient poet Sappho, who praised love between women. Since news of the lawsuit broke, Joe Francis and the entire production crew for “Girls Gone Wild” have moved their headquarters to Lesbos. Travel agencies have also reported a spike in inquiries and travel to Lesbos from males between 14-24.

Disclaimer: Read the article for the actual story. My reports are kind of like a game of telephone . . . except I skipped right to the end of the game.


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