Monthly Archives: May 2008

News to Amuse – Sell anything on Craigslist

Baby for Sale on Craigslist:  Officials in Canada have apprehended a young couple who had offered to sell their “very cute” baby on Craigslist for 10,000 Canadian dollars, the equivalent of US $10,100.

Do you hear the record scratching?  10,000 Canadian is now only worth $10,100 US?  WTF?  Damn Canadians have universal health care, a real progressive government, and are mostly bilingual.  The only thing we damn Americans had on Canada was that our dollar trounced their Canadian dollar.  And now we’re going to lose that at well?

I should have moved to Canada in 2004.  Yet another reason to hate the Dubya.

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Filed under News to Amuse, Things I Loathe

Hiatus

I will be taking a minor hiatus from postings.  Not to say that I will never post, but the postings will be more infrequent.  Something is in the works . . .

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News to Amuse – So this is why men are nasty . . .

You howl, I strip:  For all you ladies out there, ever wonder why dirty old men whistle at you?  Have you ever thought why nasty wrinkly men grabbed your 18-year old ass as if they had a chance?  Well, the reason is that it works!  Sometimes . . .

A very hot Israeli woman was on her way to the ATM to get some cash when she was “hounded” by road workers’ whistles.  Rather than express her disgust with the workers or otherwise avoid the situation, the woman decided to strip, use the ATM buck-naked, and then get dressed before walking away.  When questioned by New Zealand police, the woman simply remarked that she was fed up with the howls and wanted to shake what her momma gave her.

Thanks lady.  You’ve just inspired dirty old men all over the world to rub up against disgusted women all over the world.

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He Was Robbed!

The Chosen One was robbed of the title last night. Despite receiving unanimous praise from the judges, the Chosen One came out with 44% of the vote, compared to Cook’s 56% (side note, don’t you hate it when people write 44% percent? The “%” means percent, you jerk). I don’t understand. I mean, I dialed multiple times and received a busy tone, which only tells me that the Chosen One was robbed of the title. Which made me remember one of the funniest YouTube videos I have ever seen:

This is a Japanese exercise/language video in which the viewer is encouraged to engage in some light aerobic exercise, while learning simple English phrases which, presumably, are useful for travel situations.  After vacationing in Japan, I understand this video.  There is no crime in Japan.  Like zero as in you can leave your bling in a bathroom and someone will drop it off at Lost & Found.  I mean, if I came from a country with zero crime, I’d probably want to learn this phrase too.

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Filed under I Heart Reality TV, Travel, Working on my Fitness

A Lesson in Cultural Sensitivity

I highly recommend listening to this NPR interview.  In a multicultural country such as the United States, we could all use a primer on cultural sensitivity.  Diversity Inc. reports 7 things NEVER to say to an Asian-American executive.  I would like to comment on each, based on my own personality, motivations, and capabilities:

1.  “You must be the IT person.” — Dude.  Are you kidding me?  I know how to surf celebrity blogs, type legal docs in Word, and blog on a site that should be renamed “Blogging for Dummies.”  Don’t ever say this to me.  Because this non-IT person will drop-kick you so fast that you’ll never be able to type on a computer again.

2.  “You aren’t like them” or “You don’t act very Asian.” — What the hell is that supposed to me?  Who is them?  Are you talking about Taiwanese?  Chinese?  Taiwanese-Chinese?  Taiwanese-Chinese-American?  Far Eastern?  Japanese?  Korean?  And what is “acting” Asian anyways?  Do you want me to bind my feet and serve you tea?  Bite me.

3.  “Asian Americans are not risk takers.”  — I would risk probation to drop kick you for this one.  See No. 1.

4.  “Where are you from?  No where are you really from?” or “When are you going home?” or “How often do you go home?” — I’ve actually heard this many times in my life.  My response is usually quite simple.  First, I say, “the Bay Area.”  If the inevitable follow up question arises, I say, “the San Francisco Bay Area.”  One thing I do know . . . if you’ve asked me this, I already know where you’re from.  You’re from and will always reside in the Island.

5.  “Oh, you speak English good!” or “Do you speak your language?” — I have also heard these before.  Yes, dumbass.  I speak English very well.  You, apparently, have the written and oral skills of a baboon.  Perhaps someone should put you out of your misery so you don’t unwittingly pass your intellectual capacity onto unsuspecting offspring.

6.  “You’re not a minority because all Asians are rich and successful.” — I realize I went to law school and am somewhat learned in the art of logic, but think about it.  The two are completely unrelated.  If you still don’t get it, I can’t help you.

7.  “You’re not Asian, you’re from India.” — Look at a map, you moron.  Here’s a hint.  Look at the continents and see where India falls.

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Filed under Life, Personal Pontification, Things I Loathe

The Chosen One

Just like the first time, the Chosen One’s rendition of “Imagine” gave me chills. Side note. Paula was again scripted last night. Bitch ain’t that eloquent.

Message to the Chosen One.  My offer still stands.  If you need a new mommy and daddy, we’re here for you kiddo.  We will encourage you, mold you into a superstar, manage your schedule . . . and in return, you can buy us houses all over the world.  I mean, with all the traveling we’ll have to do, we need some semblance of normality.

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Filed under I Heart Reality TV

O Doctor, Where Art Thou?

I just wasted an hour of my life attempting to find a doctor.  It is May 20.  I was told, on multiple occasions, that a particular doctor’s first available appointment would be in September.

First available?  In September?  Are you kidding me?  The DC area is flooded with doctors and lawyers, and your first available is in September?  Is it that there are proportionally too many lawyers, and lawyers take too much time in your office?  I’d like to tell one of my clients that my first available appointment to talk is in September.

In no other profession can someone legitimately say that their first available is 4 months away.  Imagine you called Gold’s for a personal trainer and was told that the first available would be in September.  Or if you tried to book a flight and the airlines told you the first available would be 3 months after your friend’s wedding in Hawaii.  Or if you needed maid service, and Molly Maids said the dirt can wait until the fall.  And these examples don’t involve your health (ok, maybe dirt and personal trainer do, but whatever).  So doctors, I boycott you.

Damn it.  I can’t.  I need them.  Argh!!!!  I will remain in silent protest then.  When you tell me to open wide and say “Ahhh,” I will do so with the intention of sticking my tongue out at you.  When you ask me take deep breaths as you listen to my heart, my middle finger will figuratively be pointing at you.  And if you need an attorney, my first available is in September, biatch.

Sigh.

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Filed under Life, Personal Pontification, Things I Loathe, WTF?