News to Amuse

Oldest Child Gets the Most Attention: In a startling expose, an economist at BYU has just released a study showing that firstborn children receive more attention from their parents than subsequently-born children. In the same study, the BYU economist also reveals these other fascinating facts: (1) adult males and adult females cannot physically be in two places at once; (2) homo sapiens put their pants on one leg at a time; (3) firstborn children receive newer clothes and toys than subsequently-born children; and (4) the parents of firstborn children are younger when the firstborn child is conceived, as opposed to subsequently-born children.

The monumental study has a margin of error of 3.5%, took 10 years of research, consumed hundreds of thousands of dollars, and was a complete and total waste of time.

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