Jeff Archuleta, father of the Chosen One, has been banned from the backstage of American Idol. Apparently, Archuleta senior is the stage-dad from hell, and the final straw came when he, against the wishes of AI producers, had the Chosen One change the lyrics to “Stand by Me,” costing AI a crapload of money for publishing rights to Sean Kingston’s “Beautiful Girls.”
So it looks like the Chosen One could use new parents. Last I checked, the hubby and I have a spare bedroom, a spare bathroom, and a spare space in our hearts to welcome the Chosen One to our family. I will pinch his cheeks and follow his travels around the world. I will help him cater to his growing legion of fans and teach him how to fend off trashy groupie whores. And the Chosen One will allow his new-found parents to retire within the next 5 years. You can call me Joe Jackson. Except I’m not a dude. I’m not abusive. And I would not allow my little Chosen One to take his shirt off and expose his pasty skin to the world in a video in which he makes out with Lisa Marie Presley, causing recurring episodes of vomiting all across the globe.
Speaking of AI, did anyone notice that Paula was remarkably coherent and articulate on Tuesday? After last week’s gaffe, something tells me that Paula’s comments were scripted . . .