Meet Moshe Kai Cavalin. He is 10 years old. He stands at a petite 4′ 7″ and probably weighs 75 pounds dripping wet. Cavalin likes soccer, Jackie Chan, and toy cars. He is also an A+ college sophomore who hopes to be an astrophysicist before he can even legally drive.
Dude. When I was 10, I didn’t know what “astrophysicist” meant. I mean, I would have thought it bore some relation to the dog from the Jetsons (or is that what I think now?), but who the hell knows? Cavalin is apparently fascinated by wormholes, which, I have to come find, are not holes from which worms crawl out of. In the words of Cavalin, “[j]ust like black holes, they suck in particulate objects, and also like black holes, they also travel at escape velocity, which is, the speed to get out of there is faster than the. I’d like to prove that wormholes are really there and prove all the theories are correct.”
WTF? Ok, so this kid must be a total geek right? Well, he’s also an accomplished martial artist and received A+s in physical education. So this kid can talk circles around me and kick my ass? The world is not fair. Someone should get a DNA sample from this kid and clone him. We could create a little country with a crapload of boy-geniuses who can kick ass. And we can brainwash them to infiltrate McCain’s headquarters and steal Cindy McCain’s pills and watch the fun unravel. Mwah hah hah.