I’ve come to a revelation that makes the Sarah Palin pill a little easier to swallow. Governor Palin really is like the 21st century manifestation of Teddy Ruxpin. Do you remember Teddy Ruxpin? Ruxpin was a toy teddy bear — with 4 batteries and a cassette tape in his belly, Ruxpin’s mouth would move up and down while a voice emitted from his belly.
Let’s examine the similarities between Mr. Ruxpin and Governor Palin.
1. Both are intellectually vapid and require pre-recorded tapes to induce speech.
2. Mr. Ruxpin talks. Palin talks.
3. Mr. Ruxpin tells fictitious stories and people are in awe. Same with Palin.
4. Mr. Ruxpin asked, “Can you and I be friends?” and people blindly follow. Ditto with Palin.
5. Fans of Ruxpin ignore the fact that the bear looks unreal and makes movements that are not commensurate with his speech. Ditto with Palin.
6. The 4 batteries required to operate Ruxpin are not included with purchase. The ounce of intelligence required to competently be Vice-President are not included with purchase of Palin.
7. Teddy Ruxpin scared the crap out of me as a child. Unlike a lot of the more stupid kids in my neighborhood, I thought it was awfully frightening that this bear spoke from his belly — very Chucky-like. Palin scares the crap out of me as an adult. Unlike a lot of the more stupid people in the country, I’d like an intelligent and articulate person to occupy the Vice-Presidency.
Survey says: Palin = Ruxpin!!!!
So my suggestion to Daddy Mac is this — although you’ve managed to make the new Teddy Ruxpin quite life-like, the current tapes being used were obviously hastily recorded. I mean, it sounds like gibberish, and pretty soon, people will want to return their Teddy Palins. I realize that you’re old enough that cassette tapes are pretty “new” technology, but if you move to electronic wav files, you could easily manipulate Teddy Palin to sound more coherent and thereby more palatable. Tic toc though Daddy Mac . . . Thursday is coming around really quickly!