So I spent my Friday evening as planned, eyes glued on the television to watch the first presidential debate between the black Muslim and the white war hero. Oh, my bad. That was me channeling the politics of stupidity.
All in all, however, I actually think that McCain did a fine job. He catered to his base by delivering lie after lie and dumbing down the debates as much as possible. One thing Johnny Mac was not able to do was to control that creepy, old man, I’m going to eat your children while I’m shitting smile:
Nor could he look at Obama during the speech, thereby publicly displaying the contempt he holds for his opponent. I mean, seriously–how weird is that? You’re in a debate with one other person, and you can’t even look at the guy? I know you’re not much into diplomacy, but if we’re going to send you out into the world to speak with foreign leaders about such critical issues as nuclear proliferation and the environmental crisis, does Friday’s debate signal that your tactic will be to completely avoid eye contact and look like a total freak?
I also found it funny that Johnny Mac mentioned, at least twice, that he’s not known for winning any “Miss Congeniality” awards in Congress. Hmmm . . . I wonder if anyone has won that award?
While Johnny Mac spent his time preaching (Lord Save Me!) about earmarks, Miss Congeniality awards and his wealth of experience over Obama, it appears that Johnny Mac forgot about his running mate, who I imagine is holed up in a room in Arizona, cramming for the SAT verbal. Oh, I mean preparing for the debate with Biden. After the Gibson and Couric debacles, Palin must be ready to shit her pants. I’ll bet she’s been sleeping on piles and piles of Wikipedia articles about the “economy,” “foreign policy,” and the “Bush doctrine,” hoping that knowledge of such subjects may come via osmosis (since oceanic osmosis apparently works for obtaining foreign policy experience).
And on a related note, I think I’ve figured out how they vetted Palin. How Johnny Mac was able to determine, from a single meeting, that Palin was the appropriate choice for VP. I believe they used the mortgage model used by my former bank, Wamu. In the mortgage model, an individual seeking a home loan simply goes to Wamu and announced his or her desire for a gastronomical loan. Wamu then proceeded with a simple checklist of questions, e.g. “Do you have a job?” and “How much do you want?” Similarly, I imagine that Johnny Mac simply asked Palin, “Do you have boobs and are your chromosomes XX?” When Palin responded with a resounding yes, Johnny Mac’s final question was, “Do you think you can be VP and potentially President?”
Being the Miss Congeniality she is, Palin responded, “Oh my god! Yes! Like I’ve said before, I wish for world peace!”