News to Amuse: Interview with a Die-Hard Palin Supporter

Last night, I had the pleasure of engaging in a rare sit-down interview with a self-described Palin Die-Hard.  In August of 2008, Mary Beth Smith was like any hard-working American attempting to make ends meet in difficult economic times.  She slaved away at a factory for ten, sometimes twelve, hours a day — with little complaint and commensurately little pay.  Mrs. Smith was a mother of five children, and a wife to a mill worker who had just lost his job due to his company making the increasingly popular decision to outsource factories.  Like many working Americans, Mrs. Smith juggled the demands of her career and her family with extreme difficulty — making this year’s election vital to the survival of her family.  A lifelong Republican, Mrs. Smith watched Senator McCain make a historic announcement on August 29, 2008 — that he would be running with Governor Sarah Palin of Alaska.  Glued to the television, Mrs. Smith was captivated by Governor Palin’s speech, feeling awashed with inspiration at the idea of a female politician speaking from the heart.  The very next day, Mrs. Smith made a drastic decision.  She packed her family’s bags and told them that they would begin a road trip with the Vice-Presidential nominee.  That electing Sarah Palin would be the path to redemption and salvation.  After nearly 2 months on the campaign, Mrs. Smith sat down to make the case for Governor Palin.  Here are the highlights.

Me:  Mrs. Smith — Why did you quit your job and take your family on this journey with Governor Palin?

Smith:  Because she is like me.  I feel like she understands what I’m going through.

Me:  How do you mean?

Smith:  Like her views on sex education.  Why would you educate children about sex?  The only reason to educate them about sex is to encourage sex.  I mean, now all those sinners in California are talking about educating 5 year olds about gay sex.  I’m not okay with that.  God is not okay with that.  He is looking down upon us and asking us to make sure the world follows his commands.  There simply is no reason to provide any sex education to children before they are married.

Me:  So you share Governor Palin’s views on sex education.  Anything else?

Smith:  Her daughter, Bristol, bless her soul — is pregnant.  I have three daughters.  They are all pregnant too.  Not from a hockey player though.  I think football.  I understand what it’s like to have pregnant daughters.  Bless their souls.

Me:  Governor Palin has taken a lot of heat about her alleged lack of experience.  How do you respond to those critics?

Smith:  Well, they’re just the liberal gotcha elite intellectuals.  Governor Palin is not like them at all.  She didn’t go to law school.  She didn’t go to a good college.  She understands regular folks like me.  That Barack Hussein Obama — he went to Harvard Law School, and he thinks he’s smarter than me.  I don’t want someone smarter than me as President.  I want someone who understands me.  And those smart people don’t.

Me:  I noticed you said Barack Hussein Obama.  Do you believe that Senator Obama is affiliated with terrorists?

Smith:  He is a terrorist.  Look at his name.  All those stupid liberal elites are blind.  His name says it all.  His name screams, I’m a Taliban Al Qaeda terrorist!  But people ignore it.  He’s been palling around with Bill Ayers, another terrorist, for 40 years.  His pastor, a devil in the eyes of God, is also a terrorist.

Me:  Do you believe, then, that Senator Obama has been a terrorist since he was 8 years old?

Smith:  No.  Earlier than that.  Since he was born in Kenya to a terrorist family.  They made up his birth certificate and he took a boat to Hawaii with his terrorist dad.

Me:  Do you have any issues with Governor Palin’s pastor, an individual who apparently speaks of witches during his sermons?

Smith:  No.  Witches are just another way of saying terrorists.  They should all die.  If any of those terrorist witches come after me, I have guns.  AK-47s and Uzis in my van.  I will protect my family from Barack Hussein Obama and all those other terrorists.

There was much more to this interview, but I’ve scared myself making it up . . .

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3 Comments

Filed under News to Amuse, Personal Pontification

3 responses to “News to Amuse: Interview with a Die-Hard Palin Supporter

  1. It would be far too easy to come up with all-too-real examples of actual dim-witted, illiterate statements made by supporters of Barack Obama than having to resort to the imaginary ones you use to support of your disdain for Sarah Palin.

    You do get an A+ for creativity, though!

  2. P.R.O. — Have you seen this video? https://alexisnectar.wordpress.com/2008/10/15/frightening-video-of-gop-supporters/

    Creativity is derived from reality, my friend.

  3. Reverend Manny

    hahaha….

    fyi alexis… mccain has hired a whole buttload of right wing trolls for the last quarter of the election… so expect more of the same…

    favorite line…

    “Witches are just another way of saying terrorists. They should all die. If any of those terrorist witches come after me, I have guns. AK-47s and Uzis in my van. I will protect my family from Barack Hussein Obama and all those other terrorists.”

    one love,
    –reverend manny and the twilight empire

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