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In this week’s Plea to Tina Fey, I present to you Ms. Fey’s latest SNL appearance as top moron, Governor Palin. In watching this newest appearance, with Tina Fey hiking up her skirt, I have discovered yet another task I could perform for Ms. Fey. Personal trainer. Although Tina Fey has, at times, engaged in self-deprecation with respect to her figure and her proclivity for the consumption of donuts, I’m sure most would admit that Ms. Fey is one hot mama. I don’t know whether Tina Fey has a personal trainer or, if she has one, how much that trainer costs. I do know one thing. Although my physiology, kinesiology, and biology training is limited to a few classes in high school and a microbiology class in college where I learned about hemmorhoids; and my fitness knowledge originated from Billy Blanks, I could be of great assistance to Ms. Fey — and I would be virtually free. Because unlike other personal trainers who enjoy their jobs, I don’t enjoy my job. So, in training Ms. Fey, I can draw on years of discontentment and frustration to whip her in shape. I will put Tina Fey on a heavy bag and cover that bag with pictures of the people who piss her off, including me, her personal trainer, as I will be screaming at her to hit me in the face even harder.
And best of all, in between sets, I could ask Tina whether she thinks I should go to Chicago to train in improv. Or maybe Tina could read my manuscript. Or maybe we could braid each other’s hair. Ooo, or trade dirty librarian eyeglasses. Discover me, Tina Fey!