First, I don’t purport to argue that every single Republican is stupid. There are plenty of reasonable and intelligent Republicans (who, in my experience, all agree that Sarah Palin is a moron) — so this post should not be interpreted as presenting a belief that all Republicans are dumb. So who is the most stupid Republican in America? Good guess if it’s this person:
Another intelligent guess would be this idiot:
But alas, a new Republican has come into my crosshairs, in a blaze of glorified stupidity. Meet Ashley Todd:
Now, as most of you are aware, Ms. Todd is a 20-year old student and a member of the College Republicans. She is also a prime example that apparently, anyone can get into college — even racist, stupid, crazy people. Ashley Todd made headline news when she told investigators of a vicious attack by a tall black man. Ms. Todd reported that she was mugged at an ATM by a 6′ 4″ black man — and that when the evil black man saw the McCain/Palin tag on her vehicle, the evil black man went all “ghetto” on her, beat her ass down, and carved a “B” for Barack on her face.
The conservative media jumped on the story, implying that Ms. Todd was the victim of racial animosity by a black “friend” of Senator Obama.
Investigators, however, were puzzled at inconsistencies in Ms. Todd’s story, plus the fact that this allegedly crazy black man apparently did not know how to write the letter B, which appeared backwards on Ms. Todd’s cheek. Ultimately, Ms. Todd admitted to making the whole shit up, is now claiming that she’s crazy, and has been disowned by the Republican party.
When I saw this story, I thought of Tina Fey. I know what you’re thinking — why would I think of Tina Fey, the person I hold in the most esteemed regard and is the queen of intelligent comedy? Well, if you saw Mean Girls, you’ll know why the association sprang up in my mind. As you may know, the Mean Girls consisted of Queen Bee Regina George, who was ultimately replaced by Cady Heron, and also Gretchen Wieners and Karen Smith. The girls were preparing to attend the annual Spring Fling, and Karen Smith decided to spruce up her outfit by sticking jewels on her chest to form the letter “K.”
If Ashley Todd watched this movie, my guess is that she stopped at this point, was completely inspired by Karen Smith, and then proceeded to beat her face with a hockey stick and carve a B with a rusty nail file. Poor Ashley Todd. If only she watched . . . just a minute later to see how Karen actually looked at the Spring Fling!
Ahh, which brings me to my plea to Tina Fey. Way to go Tina Fey! Who would have thought that Tina Fey would have anticipated, in 2004, that she could be the inspiration for someone who could make the GOP look even more stupid? Nice job! Tina Fey — you are fabulous. Discover me, Tina Fey!
Picture from Bubbley’s Screenshot Gallery