Calling Obama a terrorist didn’t work. Implying he was a Muslim didn’t work. Questioning his patriotism didn’t work. And not only did they not work, they REALLY did not work. Last night’s election was a trouncing of epic proportions. Like when the 49ers beat the Broncos 55-10 in Super Bowl XXIV. Or when the Rockies were swept from the World Series last year. It was not even a race. It was a demolition.
Every pundit will tell you that Johnny Mac’s major roadblock was Dubya. That Dubya presented as a nearly insurmountable boulder in Johnny Mac’s path to victory. So Johnny Mac decided to take on a two-prong strategy: (1) he holds conservative ideals, such as interwining religion in government, just like Dubya; and (2) he is a Maverick who is not like Dubya.
After spending months on the campaign trail proclaiming that he is a “Maverick,” and having the little moron echo such sentiments by creating words such as “mavericky,” Johnny Mac should have tried something else. Why didn’t Johnny Mac call Dubya the Maverick? That Dubya abandoned the principles of the Republican Party and caused this country to spiral downwards into a religious governmental hell? He intimated these points toward the end of his campaign — that the Republican party in power had forgotten about fiscal responsibility etc. But Johnny Mac should have gone further. Instead of adopting the Maverick platform, he should have declared that Dubya had gone completely rogue. That voices were speaking to Dubya from the little plastic horse on Dubya’s Oval Office desk. That Johnny Mac would simply return the Republican party back into office and that Dubya was getting all mavericky and shit.
On a different note, what the hell am I going to write about now that the election is over? And what about my friends Rachel Maddow, Jon Stewart, and Stephen Colbert? Can you make comedy out of hope? Damn it! I have nothing to ridicule!!!