News to Amuse: John King Quits Playing With His Board

For over a year of his life, John King knew how to do one thing, and he knew how to do it well.  On camera and off, Mr. King has been playing with his board in the CNN studios.  Having been crowned the board expert at CNN, Mr. King embraced the title and began perfecting the art of playing with his board.  The crown did not come easy, though.  CNN viewers were not exposed to the grueling training and competition that led to Mr. King being annointed as the chosen one to play with his board.  Dozens of other competitors within CNN wanted to play with their own boards in front of a viewership of millions.  But Mr. King had an innate ability to play with his board — an ability that his competitors simply could not match.  One by one, John King demolished his competition, changing the color of his board at will with simple strokes of his finger.  Blue, Red, Gray — Mr. King had full control of his board, and once annointed the king of boards, he demonstrated his prowess to the world.

The precision with which Mr. King played with his board in front of the television audience took significant hard work.  Off camera, Mr. King played with his board incessantly.  When he woke up, Mr. King played with his board at home.  In the shower, he mimicked playing with this board.  During breakfast, he talked about playing with his board.  Before retiring to bed, he played one last time with his board.  It was his life — changing his board from red to pink, from gray to blue.  The obsession with playing with his board became an issue of concern for his wife, but there was no stopping John King.  He knew his board, and he knew how to play with it.

Now that the election is over, Mr. King has been forced to quit playing with his board, cold turkey.  The board itself remains in the CNN studios, limp and grey with neglect.  Until next election season, John King.  It’ll be here before you know it.


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