For a hot second, I thought it’d be awesome if yours truly, Alexis Nectar, could apply for and actually obtain a job within Obama’s new administration. Well, that hot second quickly turned icy cold when I saw the questionnaire that would be just step one in obtaining such position. As reported by CNN and revealed in the questionnaire, this is not your average job application. Let’s examine a few of the highlights that would render me unfit to be a part of the administration.
- No. 13: Any electronic communication that could “be a possible source of embarrassment to you, your family, or the President-Elect if it were made public.” Um . . . yeah. I don’t want any of my personal emails to be made public. Although I’m quite the professional when circumstances require it, I sometimes think that I was born on a boat to a crew of sailors who weren’t really sailors but were actually actors in an erotic maritime thriller. So my dirty mind and dirty mouth are simply the logical byproduct of a life at sea with surrogate parents Harry Motorboat and Anita Bigstern during the filming of Thar She Blows.
- No. 58: Facebook pages. I have a facebook page. I’m not sure that being a member of every group dedicated to ridiculing the moron named Sarah Palin would be acceptable to the new administration. Hell, I’ve even started my own groups, e.g. “People for the Elimination of Moronic Alaskans” and “I Believe Sarah Palin Should be Added to the Official Definition of Moron.”
- No. 61: Association that could be used to attack my character or qualifications for government service. Now how far does this extend? What really counts as an association? I mean, if I sit alone at home during my weekly solo meeting, discussing, with myself, various topics for my aforementioned Facebook groups, does that count as an association? I think not!
Sigh. I guess I’m not meant for politics.