Detroit Bailout – Not Leaving on a Jet Plane

The last time the CEOs of the Big 3 headed to Washington to plead for billions of dollars of government aid, each of the CEOs flew in private jets, incurring thousands of dollars.  I mean, it’s kind of like Paris Hilton rolling up to the Food Bank in her Bentley and demanding caviar.  Not cool, yo.  At the time, the Big 3 defended their actions, stating that it was company policy, and was for the protection of the CEOs.  Well, personally, prior to hearing news of the CEOs traveling H to the Izzo style, I had no idea what the hell they even looked like.  If I saw them on a plane, sitting in first class, I wouldn’t even take a second look, so I’m not sure what the “safety” concerns were.  Now, however, their images have been burned into my head, and if I do see them, I’ll give them a piece of my mind.  And it ain’t pretty up there.  This bitch has a lot to say, and I’m sure I’m going to make like a chihuahua and bark at them like crazy, letting them know that I’d shove my fist up their assholes if it wasn’t for the first class/coach curtain divider.  Watch out bitches!

Anyways, I digress.  This time, however, the CEOs have instead traveled to Washington in hybrid vehicles.  I’m in disbelief that they actually arrived.  I mean, would anyone have been horribly shocked if the shitty vehicles broke down mid-trip?  I wouldn’t.  But check out the wheels of Chrysler CEO Bob Nardelli:

Chrysler's Fuel "Efficient" Vehicle

Picture from CNN

According to CNN, this fuel “efficient” vehicle gets 22 highway, and 20 city.  My little Acura gets far better gas mileage than this beast.  And this beast of a vehicle surely doesn’t go very far in supporting the Big 3 contention that manufacturers will be making smaller, highly innovative vehicles.  This looks like the same piece of shit that’s been coming out of Detroit for the last couple of decades. 

Here’s a thought.  Maybe the CEOs should have traveled to DC in Ford Pintos.  With every mile closer to their destination, there is one less mile in which they may blow up in a fiery ball of shitty American-designed vehicle.  It’ll remind them of the benefits of innovation, while simultaneously reminding them of how taking shortcuts to improve gas mileage led to the death and maiming of scores of helpless Americans.

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2 Comments

Filed under Personal Pontification

2 responses to “Detroit Bailout – Not Leaving on a Jet Plane

  1. Funny and insightful post. I wouldn’t be surprised if they had a support/mechanic team following them all the way in a Hummer. I agree with you about them failing when it comes to innovation: http://natknits.wordpress.com/2008/12/04/no-free-lunch-for-us-automakers/

  2. Reverend Manny

    This problem with the Big 3 is pretty serious. The truth is, they’ve been rat-f***ed a little by the neo-cons who have allowed the Asian-Pacific auto manufacturers to compete on some pretty uneven terrain. For example, sales of American cars are impeded across Asia by tarrifs, taxes and quotas. Those manufacturers make a huge profit on their home turf, the domestic market. Then, they engage in some fanshy predatorial pricing (a fun system we really really perfect back in the day). They sell cars in our market at slightly above margin, using the domestic markets to create their profits. They sell cars at a lower price in America than American automakers who cannot make much profit now in either their own domestic market nor the Asian market.

    That being said, goddamn their stupid.

    Seriously, I would put a big bad leash on all three, collapse them into one volkswagen style run semi-public company that produces the $4000, 120mpg car of the future. If you wanna play ball, the taxpayers have the money, and the Big 3 will have to play by the tax payers rules.

    btw, huge round of applause to you for the following…
    “Here’s a thought. Maybe the CEOs should have traveled to DC in Ford Pintos. With every mile closer to their destination, there is one less mile in which they may blow up in a fiery ball of shitty American-designed vehicle. It’ll remind them of the benefits of innovation, while simultaneously reminding them of how taking shortcuts to improve gas mileage led to the death and maiming of scores of helpless Americans.”

    One Love,
    –Reverend Manny and the Twilight Empire

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