If a 9-Year Old Can Get a Book Deal . . .

Meet Alec Greven.  He’s 9 years old, and he has a published book with HarperCollins entitled, “How to Talk to Girls.”  Originally written as a class project, Greven’s work and Greven himself have become overnight sensations.

What kind of advice does this kid dole out?  Let’s examine some samples:

  • “A crush is like a love disease.  It can drive you mad.”
  • Girls don’t like sloppy boys, so no sweats and comb your hair.
  • Say “hi” to girls.
  • “Most girls don’t like showoffs.”
  • “If you do win victory with a girl, don’t cheer in front of her. Go somewhere private, then knock your head off and cheer.”
  • Pretty girls are high maintenance.
  • Girls “tend to like the smartest kid in the class.”

Seriously?  This kid got a book deal for this?  I mean, when I was 9, I had plenty of thoughts for which I put pen to paper.  There was my idea of putting certain individuals on the Island.  And my belief that the Care Bears were created by pedophiles who sought to encourage little girls to run around, raise their shirts, stick their chests out, and scream “Care Bear Stare!”

I admit it.  I’m jealous of an 9-year old boy.  Jackass thinks he can steal my glory??!!  Wait until I finally track down Tina Fey.  Like an embryo maturing into a fetus, I will be delivered into the mainstream by Tina Fey, in all my embryotic glory.  Discover me, Tina Fey!

In the meantime, I’ll stalk little Alec.  Kid’s getting a lot of press.  Maybe Tina will show up.

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Filed under Life, Plea to Tina Fey

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