On this fourth day of my 10 New Days for Tina Fey series, I’d like to reveal a peculiar fact about myself that I share with Tina Fey. As you may already be aware, “Alexis Nectar” is not my real name. In fact, I’m not sure I know any individuals with a surname like “Nectar,” although such surname would certainly be beneficial to an individual seeking a career in the pornography or stripping industry. I suppose you could also just make up a stripper name, but hell, if you’re already named Nectar, a greasy pole and tassel-titties just seem to be destiny, don’t you think?
Anyways, both Tina Fey and I go by our middle names. For those of you who don’t stalk Internet facts about Tina Fey like I do, Tina Fey’s full name is Elizabeth Stamatina Fey. My actual first name is a poor transliteration of my Taiwanese name — so poor, in fact, that I end up spelling my name, letter by letter to strangers such as customer service representatives, teachers, and my crazy uncle with a short attention span. My actual last name (pre-marriage) is even more of a nightmare, as the pronunciation is pretty much impossible for most of the western world — at least at first glance. Many a cable telephone rep and insurance rep have tried to convince me that I was pronouncing my own last name incorrectly — as if I have lived a lie for the duration of my entire life, with my parents being the perpetuators of a life-long joke. I’ve resisted the desire to sarcastically thank these representatives for finally revealing the truth of my name to me, because without them, I might never be able to understand either the pronunciation of my surname, or why my Internet stopped working, or why my allergy pills cost over $100 a month, or why I am required to call on my landline to get my landline fixed.
My point is — Tina Fey and I both go by our middle names. Of course, my situation may be a little different as I was just shy of picking my middle name out of a yellow book as I jumped off my raft into the land of the free, but whatever. Close enough. Tina Fey and I are namemates. So, logic dictates that she should read my script, right?
Discover me, Tina Fey!