10 More Days for Tina Fey — Day Five

Parents of tots and tweens are in a rage over the anticipated transformation of Dora the Explorer.  If you’re like me, you’re probably thinking, wtf is Dora the Explorer?  Here’s a quick rundown:  Dora is a bilingual little girl who spends each episode going on some trip (not that kind of trip – it’s for children!).  Like any good female, Dora will ask for directions when she gets lost.  Dora also has a best friend on the show named Boots, who is apparently a monkey (I hope not a chimp — yikes!).

In this press release, Mattel and Nickelodeon announced that Dora is growing up and will be moving to “the big city” and will don a “whole new fashionable look.”  She will also have a “rich online world in which girls can explore, play games, customize, and most importantly solve mysteries with Dora and her new friends.”  So why are parents so pissed off?  Well, they believe that Dora the Explorer is actually going to be transformed into Dora the Whore-r (ok, that rhyme was terrible, but it’s Friday so give me a break).  In other words, “the big city” just means the Bunny Ranch in Nevada or any strip club near a major airport.  And a “whole new fashionable look” means that Dora will be half-naked and kids will be asking mommy and daddy to purchase the new thong and pasties set for their Whora-Dora during Christmas this year.  And Dora’s exploration will transform from attempting to navigate the alleyways of Florence into exploring the opposite sex.  Essentially, parents are afraid that Dora is going to become the bilingual equivalent of Lindsay Lohan or Paris Hilton.

My guess is that Tina Fey’s daughter watches Dora the Explorer.  Here is my suggestion, if Tina Fey would like to insulate little Alice from becoming exposed to the new Dora.  Tina Fey can leverage her own popularity to isolate the new Dora dolls (assuming they are whorish) to, shall we say, outlier “toy” stores.  With Tina Fey’s support, an entire movement of parents will ensure that Dora dolls will only be sold at stores containing the letters X, X, and X, in sequence.  And won’t everybody win under this arrangement?  Parents win by successfully insulating their kids, and Mattel/Nickelodeon win in attracting a whole new segment of the population into watching the show!  I am an entrepreneurial genius!

Discover me, Tina Fey!


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Filed under Fashion, Life, Plea to Tina Fey

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