10 Spankin’ New Days for Tina Fey — Day Two

I have a dilemma.  This weekend is probably the best weekend of the year to view the wonder that is the DC Cherry Blossom festival.  For those of you who are not in the know, DC procured cherry blossoms from Japan sometime back in the day, planted them all around the Tidal Basin, and as a result, has drawn in thousands of local and foreign tourists every spring to watch the cherry blossoms bloom.  The blossoms themselves are quite pretty — pink, light, and fluffy petals that flap in the wind.

Alas, my dilemma is this:  I am now at the time of year in which my allergies have fully consumed my physical spirit.  Now is when the drugs’ main function is to ensure that I can participate in daily activities such as work, showering, and eating.  So, immersing myself in a forest of allergens may not exactly be the brightest thing to do, should I desire to remain awake the evening of and day after such excursion.

I’ve been thinking of ways to combat the allergens — e.g., double-dosing on my drugs.  Perhaps, however, the best way to deal with the allergens is to create my own bubble.  Like a young Jake Gyllenhaal in that Boy in the Bubble movie, I shall create my own mobile isolation chamber.  All I need are a good pair of goggles to prevent the aggravation of my demonic eyes, and a nice face mask to prevent the sinuses from flaring up.  I’ve looked it up, and there are goggle/face mask combos, but they appear to constitute military gear, and wearing such military gear in the nation’s capitol would not make me the sharpest tool in the shed, if you know what I mean.  However, I could wear a simple pair of goggles and face mask from Target.  To the average person, I’d either look like I am a carpenter, or being Taiwanese, I will probably look like I have SARS.  The hubby does not suffer from allergies, so he will either look like the carpenter’s husband, or the SARS patient’s chaperone.  We’ll be armed with our fancy schmancy camera, so if he takes pictures of me holding both hands up with peace signs, that will further perpetuate my Asian SARS patient costume, thereby also creating the concurrent benefit of people staying away from us, allowing us to roam the festival in peace.

So Tina Fey, if you happen to be in DC this weekend at the cherry blossom festival, look out for me.  I’ll be hard to miss.  I’ll be sure to bring along a copy of my 30 Rock spec script.  And if I see you first, I’ll come running for you to give you my script.  Just wanted to give you a heads up so you can warn Alice and Jeff about the potential masked/goggled amateur writer who may accost you and your family at an uncomfortably quick pace.  And hell, if you agree to read my script, I’ll even have my hubby take a picture of the four of us.  Years from now, when your memory inevitably rewrites history, you can say that you stood with a SARS patient and survived.

Discover me, Tina Fey!

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