10 Spankin’ New Days for Tina Fey — Day Six

This past weekend, I started writing my new spec script.  This time, I’m writing an episode of How I Met Your Mother.  As I was brainstorming storylines, I closed my eyes and began to imagine devoting my life to writing.  To be fair, my current life as an attorney is indeed devoted to writing, so the transition would not be entirely earth-shattering.  I imagined my life as a writer, living in LA or in Manhattan; long hours in the writers’ room; chugging mug after mug of coffee to keep my brain fresh and the words humorous.  After years of strenuous work, I imagined finally becoming a show runner and developing my own series for a major network.  I saw the show take off, both critically and in the ratings.  Perhaps my show would unseat American Idol for prime time network dominance.  Would my show be a comedy?  A drama?  A dramedy?

However, my fantasies immediately became interrupted when I began to think of how my traditional Taiwanese parents would react to my sudden change of career path.


ALEXIS and her HUBBY are in a restaurant with Alexis’ nameless parents, MOM and DAD.  Dad is restless, sighing and staring at his watch, which shows a time exactly 30 minutes beyond his normal dinner time.  A sizzling rice soup arrives, and the four begin to eat.  Alexis and Hubby appear nervous and tense.


So mom and dad, you know how I had something to tell you?


Oh, you finally pregnant?  It’s about time!  Your eggs are old.  Boy or girl?  You eat more.  You eat for two now.

Mom scoops additional soup into Alexis’ bowl.


No mom.  I’m not pregnant.


Ay!  You cannot get pregnant?  I will die with no grandchildren!

(to Dad)

This is your fault!  She is your daughter!


Mom!  We haven’t even tried to get pregnant.  It’s not about that.


What is it then?  You need money?  You still have a job?  You both laid off?


Well, it’s kind of related.  We both have jobs, but I wanted to talk to you about my job.


Oh, you go back to big firm?  I tell you many times you need to go back to big firm and make big money.  You finally listen!  You hear that?  Your daughter finally listen!



You pay the check then.  We order more!

Dad waves at the SERVER, who promptly attends to the table.


(in Mandarin)

A Peking Duck and a whole fish.


From the tank?


Oh yes, yes, yes.  I go pick our fish.

Dad leaves the table with the server and proceeds to point at various options for the slaughter.


Mom.  Listen to me.  It’s not that.


You sick?  American health care very bad.


No!  It’s not that. 


I’m quitting my job.  


To make more money, right?


Well, maybe in the future.  

Hubby places his hand on Alexis’ back and nudges her.

ALEXIS (cont’d)

I’m going to quit my job to be a writer.


Huh?  Write for what?  Lawyer newspaper?


No mom.  For TV.  I want to be a TV writer.

Mom sits at the table, food dangling from her mouth.  


You say again?  My English no good.  I thought I hear you say stupid.


Mom, I got a position.  It’s just a starting position, but it’s a position where I can finally do what I love.  I’m going to write for TV.

Dad returns to the table, holding his hands up in victory.


I picked biggest fish for us!


You go tell them to put fish back!  Alexis is poor!  




They cannot pay!  Go save fish!

Dad runs off, screaming to the nearest server.

MOM (cont’d)

Are you crazy?


Mom, it’s my dream.  It’s what I’ve always wanted to do.


And my dream was to live with my doctor daughter and her doctor husband.  I don’t have my dream.  Why I send you to Harvard for law school?  You go to Harvard to be a lawyer.  You don’t go to Harvard to work for TV.


Well, actually mom, it’s not uncommon.  Many lawyers become television writers.  Like David E. Kelley, or Rick Eid.  They were both lawyers who became very successful writers.


Your daddy and me are too old for this.  How you going to make money?  How you going to buy a house for your daddy and me to live?


Oh, well [Hubby] is still working at a big law firm.  He’s going to make partner and support us all!

Oops.  I just realized that I haven’t revealed that portion of the plan to the hubby.  Oh well.  Surprise!  You’re making partner and supporting us all!

Discover me, Tina Fey!

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Filed under Legal Woes, Life, Plea to Tina Fey, Television

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