I am a sucker for technology. I grew up hanging out with my older brother, who was one of the first people to ever get a cell phone. You know, one of those ginormous monstrosities that looked like it was going to engulf the side of your head? Well, flash forward now to 2010 (pronounced twenty-ten), and my adoration and fascination with technology has continued. In no particular order, I’m looking forward to acquiring the following:
- An Apple Tablet computer: Rumors are that the Tablet will be akin to a super-sized iPod Touch. Currently, I use my Touch to play Bejeweled, check and update my Twitter (follow me at @alexisnectar), study my Mandarin Chinese flashcards (so that when I finally meet Tina Fey & NPH in person, I can say, “Renshi ni hen gao xing!” and to NPH specifically, “Wo yao sheng ni de xiao hai”), and watch the Robin Sparkles music video, “Sandcastles in the Sand.” Since the Tablet will simply be a Biggest Loser version of the iPod Touch (I’m talking season premiere episode), I will be able to enjoy my iTouch activities in the American way—go big, or go home!
- A Parrot AR.Drone remote-controlled quadricopter: The hubby and I have been wanting to get remote-controlled helicopters after we played around with the heli gifted to our cousin for Chrismakkah. Hubby thinks that I want one so we can race our helicopters. Between you and me, however, I have much higher aspirations. Wink Wink. Knee Slap! Imagine what I could do with a device that could carry a small video camera, and fly up high into the skylines of Southern California and Manhattan—high enough to peer into the windows of certain individuals, perhaps named Tina or Neil? Now imagine if that helicopter had sufficient power to act almost like a homing pigeon (sans shit), thereby allowing it to carry a tightly bound script and dump it into an open window of certain individuals, perhaps named Tina or Neil? The possibilities are limitless!
- A 3D Television: After watching Avatar in IMAX 3D, I now know that 3D is the future of entertainment. The media conglomerates are indeed jumping on this bandwagon, as significant capital is being invested into the development of 3D television sets and programming for the home viewer. ESPN will be launching a 3D network this spring, and other channels will soon follow, depending on the inevitable success of the venture. I too want a 3D television and the accompanying 3D glasses. Currently, television is not solely a solitary sport—you can watch television with your friends and family and enjoy the brainless entertainment together. However, with 3D television, the possibilities of seclusion are finally within grasp. Armed with 3D glasses that blur out everything but the TV, we will finally be empowered to sit alone and isolate ourselves from all non-digital humanity. I can already imagine watching a 30 Rock episode where Liz trips on an icy Manhattan sidewalk and flings a mustard-topped Nathan’s hot dog into my face, meant not to add anything to the substance of the show, but rather to shamelessly take advantage of 3D technology and includes advertising. Or an episode of HIMYM where Barney steps out of the screen before me, sticks out his chest, raises his chin, winks, and says, “I. Am. Awesome.”
I wonder when I’ll be able to record myself in 3D. I envision my 3D self taking over the airwaves, pleading to Tina Fey & NPH to hear my cries for help discovery. Technology will make my delusions of grandeur finally come to fruition.
Discover me, Tina Fey & NPH!!!