10 More Days for Tina Fey — Day One

As I embark on my brand spankin’ new 10 More Days for Tina Fey campaign, I do so with a heavy heart and a sinking realization that my pleas will be forever fruitless.  If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around, does that tree make a sound?  If a disgruntled attorney writes a script and Tina Fey does not read it, does that script have life?

Alas, I was reinvigorated this morning when I walked to work (sneezing from the pollen) and heard one of my favorite songs of all time.  Those of you who attended the greatest wedding in the history of time will recognize this as the first song played by DJ Ed — Ready or Not by After 7.  (The song before yours truly walked down the aisle, in the words of JM, like Elian Gonzalez crying as he was plucked at gunpoint — it was my mother dammit!).  From LyricWiki:

I’ll give you the Sun, The Rain, The Moon
The Stars and The Mountains
I’ll give you the world
And all that you wish for
And even more
Girl I love you more than you could know
And that’s for sure
I’d climb the highest hill
Cross the widest sea
Nothin could discourage me
And I pray that you will be
Always there for me
Forever more

Chorus:
Ready or not
I’ll give you everything, and more
All that I’ve got–it’s yours
I’ll give you everything
All that you’re looking for

I’ll give you my heart, My soul, My time
My love is a fountain
I will be your earth
And all that you need for
and even more
‘Cause girl I love you more than words can show
My love is pure
I’ll walk a thousand miles
Sail a thousand seas
Nothin will discourage me
And I pray that you will be
Always there for me
Forever more

Repeat Chorus

As I was listening to this song, I realized the depths to which I would travel to work alongside Tina Fey.  Let’s go through them in order:

• Climb the highest hill?  Sure, I’d climb the highest hill.  Semantically, I think a hill can never be that high, otherwise it’d be considered a mountain; or a volcano.  I frequently traveled in Beverly Hills and Bel Aire during college and after law school.  I may have “climbed” such geographic wonders via car, but I think that counts.  Check.
• Cross the widest sea?  Well, I can’t really swim, so I’d be happy to do so in a way that protects me from drowning.  I’ve flown quite a bit in my lifetime.  I’m pretty sure I’ve flown across some pretty damn wide seas.  So, check.
• Walk a thousand miles?  I’m pretty sure I’ve already done this.  I mean, during freshman year of college, I walked over a mile each way to campus from Hedrick Hall.  I ran a 10K during law school.  So, check.
• Sail a thousand seas?  WikiAnswers tells me that there are only 107 seas in the world.  So Tina, I don’t want our relationship to rest on a lie.  I will not sail a thousand seas for you.

This song, therefore, represents exactly the things I would do (or have done) to work for Tina Fey.  One caveat — Tina, please ignore the gyrating movements and semi-nudity in the video.  I do not view our relationship in that manner.  I won’t make anyone gyrate, unless such gyration is the natural extension of roll-on-the-floor laughter.  I will not be in your presence in a semi-nude state, because I am shy and being partially clothed is something I only did in college with RC dressed me.  Tina Fey — hear my pleas and hear my melodic anthem.

Discover me, Tina Fey!