I have continued to brainstorm means by which I can attract the attention of Tina Fey and NPH. While I continue in this successless endeavor, I have honed my skills as a writer by watching hours and hours of television and cinema. On Friday, I joined legions of other moviegoers in watching “Avatar,” the movie about blue people. And for my two readers—don’t worry, I will provide fair warning as to any spoilers in this post.
To be perfectly frank, I did not want to see Avatar. The preview did not adequately inspire me to want to spend hard-earned cash to sit in a cramped movie theater, attempting to watch the film while holding my pee (and cursing myself for drinking that last Diet Coke), and trying desperately not to curse at the idiots who insist on talking on the phone or texting a friend (who often happens to be sitting right next to that wretched and rude individual). How exciting could a movie about blue people be? As a child, I had a voracious appetite for all things Smurfs, at one point deciding that I would become Mrs. Handy Smurf. Perhaps the movie is like the Smurfs? Lots of blue people, with a single blue female who, by necessity, is the town whore? Or perhaps the color of the indigenous people in Avatar is more symbolic, reflecting some sort of underlying theme or meaning behind a film that otherwise superficially appears to be the consequence of providing $230 million in expendable cash to a boy who likes special effects? In any event, suffice it to say that I was not expecting to enjoy this film. Indeed, I was expecting to leave this film feeling like I had just earned enough goodwill to force the hubby to attend the next feature film based on a novel by Nicholas Sparks.
Alas—and here come the spoilers—I LOVED this movie. Yes, folks, I love the Na’vi. The film contained just the right mix of conflict, fantasy, and romance to make me, an originally skeptical participant, into a real believer. I like to think that the film itself is a strange mash-up of “The Last Samurai,” “The Little Mermaid,” and “The Smurfs.” You’ll understand what I mean if you watch the film. Negatives of the film include some horribly-written one-liners—likely a reflection of how Cameron views military personnel as individuals who are forced to shed humanity in favor of barbarousness; and the casting of Giovanni Ribisi, whose cheeks are just a little too pinchable for a character who the viewer is supposed to despise. Additionally, the climactic fight scene to the death lasts just a bit too long, with GI Joe refusing to just fall over and die, making the film a bit Michael Bay-esque.
After watching this film in 2D format, I now must return to the theater to watch the 3D IMAX spectacle. Perhaps, in honor of the film, I will paint myself blue, sprout a tail, and grow a magical ponytail that will enable me to control mythical aerial creatures. One can only dream.
Discover me, Tina Fey & NPH!
Just for shits and giggles, here’s a picture of a female Na’vi with a sexy Smurf. I’m growling right now.