Tag Archives: LAWyering

A Step in the Right Direction

After months of making fruitless pleas to Tina Fey, I noticed a spike in my stats today.  Many thanks to the folks at the Bitter Lawyer for finding my blog and linking me.  Lord knows I can’t even find my damn blog with a Google search, so I have no idea how they found me.  I don’t know who the editors of the Bitter Lawyer are, but if any of them know Tina Fey, this wannabe screenwriter would totally whore herself out for a chance at Tina reading her script.  I mean, I do have some standards, but tis a slippery slope to screenwriting heaven.  Hint hint.  Wink wink.

From the Bitter Lawyer:

Hey, Tina Fey, please discover a lawyer-cum-wannabe-screenwriter with such schadenfreude that a brush with life-threatening mail fraud makes her want to be noticed by you.  Or don’t.  It’s your call, Fey.

I suppose this summary sounds facetious, at best, but I don’t care.

Discover me, Tina Fey!

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Filed under Legal Woes, Life, Plea to Tina Fey

Grown Men

I was listening to New Kids on my iPod, and realized that I needed to post a photograph of my first love, Jonathan Knight.  My 9-year old me thanks future me for future me’s technological capabilities.

Photo from flickr.com/photos/nkotbofficial

I’m going to go home, retrieve the 10-inch Jonathan button I purchased at the concert, and dance to “Tonight,” replacing all mentions of “Tonight” with “Jon Knight.”  Why?  Because IFHMMFJ and I need something to look forward to.

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Filed under Legal Woes, Life, Musical Obsessions

Song of the Week — A Tribute to Fridays

This week’s song is an oldie, but goodie — Friday I’m in Love by The Cure.  As always, lyrics provided by LyricWiki:

I don’t care if Monday’s blue
Tuesday’s grey and Wednesday too
Thursday, I don’t care about you
It’s Friday, I’m in love

Monday you can fall apart
Tuesday, Wednesday break my heart
Thursday doesn’t even start
It’s Friday, I’m in love

Saturday, wait
Sunday always comes too late
But Friday never hesitates

I don’t care if Monday’s black
Tuesday, Wednesday heart attack
Thursday, never looking back
It’s Friday, I’m in love

Monday you can hold your head
Tuesday, Wednesday stay in bed
Oh Thursday watch the walls instead
It’s Friday, I’m in love

Saturday, wait
Sunday always comes too late
But Friday never hesitates

Dressed up to the eyes
It’s a wonderful surprise
To see your shoes and your spirits rise
Throwing out your frown
And just smiling at the sound
As sleek as a shriek
Spinning round and round
Always take a big bite
It’s such a gorgeous sight
To see you eat in the middle of the night
You can never get enough
Enough of this stuff
It’s Friday, I’m in love

I don’t care if Monday’s blue
Tuesday’s grey and Wednesday too
Thursday, I don’t care about you
It’s Friday, I’m in love

Monday you can fall apart
Tuesday, Wednesday break my heart
Thursday doesn’t even start
It’s Friday, I’m in love

I’m having a particularly rough week at work, so Friday couldn’t come any faster.  Of course, I doubt that my Friday will be like your Friday (viz. to be followed by two days of relaxation), so I may have to play this song next Friday instead.  At least, by the time I leave work, it’ll be late enough that I’ll get a seat on the Metro.  Nothing like looking at the glass half full, right?  It’s like if I became homeless and I found a nice clean bundle of newspapers to lay on the ground underneath a bridge to sleep.  Or if I attempted to jump off the Golden Gate Bridge and missed the water and found myself lying on a net designed to prevent people like me from perishing.  Or if I was hit by a car on a bike and I only broke one of my legs.  Ahh!  So much to be thankful for!

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Filed under Legal Woes, Song of the Week, WMATA - Metro

Palin is a Complete Moron: Part V

You had to know this was coming.  The idiot known as Sarah Palin once again got trumped by the woman formerly known as “America’s Sweetheart.”  This time, Palin was asked to name any Supreme Court decisions she disagreed with, other than Roe v. Wade, in the ENTIRE HISTORY of America.  I give you the eloquence that is Sarah Palin:

And just for good measure, I submit to you Palin’s thought process immediately after this question.

Oh geez.  Katie Couric, you are a nasty bitch!  Why you and your liberal elite.  Good thing I don’t have my shotgun or you’d be sorry!  Supreme Court.  Hmm . . . Brown v. Board?  Wasn’t that a Supreme Court case?  Did I disagree with that?  What was that about?  Oh ya, I know.  Shit.  I can’t use that one.  Um . . . federalism!  I’ll talk about federalism!

I’ve heard quite a few pundits arguing that the question really was not fair and that most people in the US would not be able to identify any Supreme Court decisions they disagreed with.  To all of you, I entirely disagree.  It’s not that Palin was simply unable to identify the Supreme Court reporter names of the cases, but she couldn’t even articulate, in generalities, any case that caused her concern.  This demonstrates a complete lack of concern for issues of national importance.  Moreover, to let her off the hook because most other Americans cannot answer this question is completely off-base.  Most other Americans are not running for a position that will enable them to have significant input (or if Daddy Mac died, supreme input) into choosing new Justices for the Court.  For Palin to be so out of touch with what the Court actually decides demonstrates, yet again, that not only is she lacking the intelligence to occupy the Vice-Presidency, but she doesn’t even possess the minimum intellectual curiousity that any individual running for public office should have.

And for the record — as for recent decisions, I take issue with DC v. Heller, the case in which the Supreme Court essentially found certain DC regulations for firearms to be a violation of the Constitution.

Here’s a hint next time this question is asked, Palin — a couple easy cases would be Plessy v. Ferguson and Dred Scott v. Sandford.  Talk about those cases, lick your finger and swirl it in the air, and bam!  You’re qualified!

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Filed under Personal Pontification

Song of the Week

This week’s song is by Ray LaMontagne (shout out to AM for the introduction), an up and coming singer-songwriter from New Hampshire.  Below are the lyrics, provided by cowboylyrics.com (I’m not joking-that’s an actual site).

Baby
It’s been a long day, baby.
Things ain’t going my way
you know I need you here
here by my side
all of the time

And Baby, the way you move me it’s crazy.
it’s like, you see right through me, you make it easier,
You please me and you don’t even have to try.

oh because,
you are the best thing
you are the best thing
you are the best thing
ever happened to me

Baby,
We’ve come a long way, baby.
you know, I hope and I pray that you believe me
When I say this love will never fade away

oh because
you are the best thing
you are the best thing
you are the best thing
ever happened to me

Now both of us have known love before,
To come on up promising, like the spring, just walk on out the door.
Our hearts are kind and are hearts are strong.
well, let me tell you what exactly is on my mind.

you are the best thing
you are the best thing
you are the best thing
ever happened to me

you are the best thing
you are the best thing
you are the best thing
ever happened to me

yeah, yeah
yeah, yeah, yeah,
now, now, now, now

What’s the inspiration for this song?  I actually just really enjoy this song, and I figured a happy go lucky song is just what is needed on this brutally awful hump day.  Of course, for me, since I’ve worked long-ass days since last Monday, technically my hump day was sometime last week.  But that’s just a technicality.

Now that I think about it, though, this song could be good for an Obama rally.  Imagine Barack coming out, giving one of his inspirational speeches; lambasting his ancient opponent and that opponent’s wholly moronic running mate.  He speaks of hope, of change, of a new era away from the politics of stupidity.  As his speech hits its crescendo, Barack waves to the crowd, cuing the beginning of this song and thereby further energizing a crowd that is thirsty to drink from the cup of change.  Because after 8 years of drinking the diarrhea tea brewed by Dubya, I could sure use a chaser.

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Filed under Legal Woes, Song of the Week

News to Amuse: The Flight from Hell

This is so not the mile-high club I wanted to be in: Gokhan Mutlu, of New York City, is suing JetBlue for damages in excess of $2 million. Mutlu alleges that a JetBlue pilot forced him to sit in the john for more than three hours during a cross-country flight from San Diego to New York. Mutlu boarded the flight on a “buddy pass,” which is a standby voucher that JetBlue employees can give to their friends and/or family. The flight was full, so Mutlu was given the jump seat. However, Mutlu claims, the pilot ordered him out of jump seat and into the poop seat. When the plane hit turbulence, Mutlu sat on the john, holding the handrails for support and praying that the fecal matter and piss in the toilet would stay in the toilet. Mutlu’s other damages include an inability to enter any restroom, forcing him to relieve himself in public places, which has caused him extreme embarrassment, especially when he took a big (and coincidentally quick) dump in front of the big screen at the opening of Speed Racer. Mutlu has also complained of damages to his olfactory system, as the entire world smells like the nasty hand soap they use in airplanes. Dude, that’s worth more than $2 million.

Disclaimer: read the article for the real story!

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Filed under News to Amuse, Travel, WTF?

Jerk n Goose

Last night, I returned from Lexington after spending the day with opposing counsel–one looks like a Jerk, another looks like Goose, therefore I will call them Jerk n’ Goose. After spending 7 hours with them dealing with their bullshit and engaging in verbal warfare, I was happy to finally be leaving Lexington and, more particularly, to be leaving the company of Jerk n’ Goose. I was able to procure an earlier flight home, and I happily boarded the first leg of my flight to Charlotte.

By the time I boarded the flight, I had already changed out of my, “Don’t f*ck with me” suit–the same suit that makes me look somewhat less like a law student and more like a lawyer. I was comfortably dressed in jeans, sneakers, and a college sweatshirt, and ready to retire in my oh-so-uncomfortable plane seat. I was prepared to slide into fetal position and rest my head on the window of the plane to fall into a horribly unpleasant but yet-so-satisfying nap. The plane lands and I rise out of my torture seat to see, across the aisle, Jerk n’ Goose, who are still in their Brooks Brother gear. I waved hello and bolted out of the airplane, cursing the fact that Jerk n’ Goose had now seen me in less-than-professional clothing.

I then ran through the terminal (if you ever fly on US Airways, you will realize that 50% of the people in the US Airways terminal are running at full speed to get to their next flight). I stopped at Sbarro to pick up a quick meal and guess who I see? Jerk n Goose–because of course, out of the hundreds of choices at Charlotte airport, they decide that Sbarro is the way to go. (Side note — has anyone thought Sbarro was actually Sharro? They really need to close the “b” on their logo. Bastards. Making me feel stupid . . .)

Next time I see them, they will probably carry smug grins on their faces, in an attempt to intimidate me. Try me Jerk n’ Goose. I may look young. I may enjoy the comfort of sweats. I may eat crappy Italian food. But at least I don’t look like an asshole. So take a look in the mirror my friend — and realize that you belong on the Island and that you can bite me.

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Filed under Legal Woes, Life