Tag Archives: pontificate

Specifically Unspecific

To be quite frank, I never had any intention to transform my blog into a political blog.  Fundamentally speaking, this is not a forum solely devoted to political discussion and/or rants.  However, the nomination of Sarah Palin has made it too difficult for me to avoid lambasting the judgment of Johnny Mac.

Yesterday, for the first time since the Gibson debacle, Palin spoke without the aid of a teleprompter.  Surrounded by supporters, she was given the opportunity to finally put to rest the notion that she does not have sufficient foreign policy experience.  The question:

“There’s been quite a bit of discussion about your perceived lack of foreign policy experience.  I want to give you your chance.  If you could please respond to that criticism and give us specific skills that you think you have to bring to the White House to rebut that or mitigate that concern.”

Below, I give you Palin’s response:

So let’s examine the specifics provided by Palin:

1.  She is a “Washington outsider.”

2.  She “thinks” she is prepared.

3.  She is “confident” and has the “readiness.”

4.  She says that people can ask her for specific policies.

So, Sarah Palin’s foreign policy skills boil down to the fact that she lives in Wasilla and is confident that she can take on foreign issues.  And as for specifics, well, she would like people to ask her about specifics because she will then tell you that she would like people to ask her about specifics.

As my blog makes abundantly clear, I love analogies.  Let’s imagine that you have a nasty little tumor that needs to be excised.  You’re looking for a skilled surgeon to take on that task.  You ask one finalist:

“There’s been quite a bit of discussion about your perceived lack of surgical experience.  I want to give you your chance.  If you could please respond to that criticism and give us specific skills that you think you have to rid me of the tumor, and rebut or mitigate that concern.”

And imagine if you received this analogous response:

“Well, I’m a medical outsider.  I certainly think I’m prepared and I am confident that I have the readiness to remove that tumor.  As for specific methods I would employ or techniques I would use to return you to health, you can ask me about specifics so you can Stump the Doc!”

I don’t know about you.  But I’d show this Doc out the door.  Seriously, I’d expect the Doc to tell me how he or she went to Harvard Medical School and did a fellowship in oncology; how he or she had performed such operation with success dozens of times before me.  10-year olds playing Operation probably would be “confident” and think they are prepared to remove a tumor.  Perhaps Barracuda is confused about the word “specifics.”  Tell me Sarah–what are the specific ways in which you will prevent nucular proliferation?

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Filed under Personal Pontification, WTF?

Thank You in Advance

For everyone who has and who will say “Bless You” to me, I thank you in advance. For the last week, I have been suffering from intolerable allergies, causing fluid to careen out of my nostrils and down my throat. My eyes are swollen–if I had a larger forehead and was 1 foot shorter, I perhaps could pass as Christina Ricci. I wonder if any retakes need to be done for the Black Snake Moan movie? . . .

The culprit is the dreaded weed. I am, quite unfortunately, terribly allergic to weeds. When weed allergens were placed on my arm by my allergist’s assistant, my arm proceeded to immediately balloon, making it virtually impossible for the allergist to determine the degree to which I was allergic to each particular weed, as each weal melded into adjacent weals, forming one gigantic and itchy red sore traveling down the length of my forearm. It was sexy, to say the least.

So here is my proclamation. Who the hell needs weeds anyway? I mean, does anyone ever go up to weeds and say, “Oh Junior – look at those weeds! They’re beautiful!” On Valentine’s Day, do you ever see men run down to the local flower shop to pick out a bunch of weeds? I think not! To the next President, I ask that a portion of the budget be devoted to the elimination of the useless greenery that has declared war upon my body. Hell, if Johnny Mac were to make me this promise, I might even consider voting for the Maverick and could possibly be the one Virginia vote that changes history . . .

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Filed under Life, Things I Loathe

Chinese Gymnastics

First off, let’s give a hip hip hooray to the Chinese gymnastics team for their clean sweep of the team competitions. Two thumbs up also go to those gymnasts who, under extreme pressure, were able to pull off the victory in front of a raucous crowd and a government that might kill mommy and daddy were someone to accidentally slip off the pommel horse.

Although minimal, there has been news about the age of the Chinese “Women’s” squad–with the NY Times stating that, compared to the Chinese team, the US team is like the Green Bay Packers. Isn’t it funny how the use of the Green Bay Packers connotes larger individuals than, say, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. I mean, when I hear Packers, I think big dudes who eat a dozen eggs a day like Gaston in Beauty and the Beast. When I think the Buccaneers, however, I’m thinking more along the lines of frat boys who strive to be the spokesperson for Campbell’s Chunky soups. I digress.

Anyways, take a look at the Chinese team:

. . . Ok. Like seriously? I’m supposed to believe that the chick on the top left is 16? And the kid on the top right is an ancient 20 years of age? I am Taiwanese-Chinese (Tai-chinese?). I realize we look young. But come on! Top left, bottom right and bottom middle (I don’t know their names–not deliberately trying to be rude) look like fans of Dora the Explorer and appear ready to scream out, “Hannah Montana” (or the Chinese equivalent). I mean, bottom right looks like she might still have her baby teeth, and after the Olympics, mommy and daddy will yank them out by tying them with a string, attaching the other end of the string to a door, and slamming it shut to simultaneously yank that sucker out and muffle the screams. I apologize for the slight transference of the traumas of my childhood. I’m waiting for the next episode of “To Catch a Predator” on NBC, and Chris Hansen will come out and the dude will say, “Sir, I truly believed this girl was 18. I mean, she looks so much older than anyone on the Chinese Gymnastics team!” Juries all over the country will compare the Perverted Justice photo to the picture above and pedophiles all over the country will be acquitted.

But seriously . . . 16? I believe that as much as I believe that story about the Loch Ness Monster mounting King Kong to create the next great Marvel Comic Hero.

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Filed under Uncategorized, WTF?

A Lesson in Cultural Sensitivity

I highly recommend listening to this NPR interview.  In a multicultural country such as the United States, we could all use a primer on cultural sensitivity.  Diversity Inc. reports 7 things NEVER to say to an Asian-American executive.  I would like to comment on each, based on my own personality, motivations, and capabilities:

1.  “You must be the IT person.” — Dude.  Are you kidding me?  I know how to surf celebrity blogs, type legal docs in Word, and blog on a site that should be renamed “Blogging for Dummies.”  Don’t ever say this to me.  Because this non-IT person will drop-kick you so fast that you’ll never be able to type on a computer again.

2.  “You aren’t like them” or “You don’t act very Asian.” — What the hell is that supposed to me?  Who is them?  Are you talking about Taiwanese?  Chinese?  Taiwanese-Chinese?  Taiwanese-Chinese-American?  Far Eastern?  Japanese?  Korean?  And what is “acting” Asian anyways?  Do you want me to bind my feet and serve you tea?  Bite me.

3.  “Asian Americans are not risk takers.”  — I would risk probation to drop kick you for this one.  See No. 1.

4.  “Where are you from?  No where are you really from?” or “When are you going home?” or “How often do you go home?” — I’ve actually heard this many times in my life.  My response is usually quite simple.  First, I say, “the Bay Area.”  If the inevitable follow up question arises, I say, “the San Francisco Bay Area.”  One thing I do know . . . if you’ve asked me this, I already know where you’re from.  You’re from and will always reside in the Island.

5.  “Oh, you speak English good!” or “Do you speak your language?” — I have also heard these before.  Yes, dumbass.  I speak English very well.  You, apparently, have the written and oral skills of a baboon.  Perhaps someone should put you out of your misery so you don’t unwittingly pass your intellectual capacity onto unsuspecting offspring.

6.  “You’re not a minority because all Asians are rich and successful.” — I realize I went to law school and am somewhat learned in the art of logic, but think about it.  The two are completely unrelated.  If you still don’t get it, I can’t help you.

7.  “You’re not Asian, you’re from India.” — Look at a map, you moron.  Here’s a hint.  Look at the continents and see where India falls.

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Filed under Life, Personal Pontification, Things I Loathe

O Doctor, Where Art Thou?

I just wasted an hour of my life attempting to find a doctor.  It is May 20.  I was told, on multiple occasions, that a particular doctor’s first available appointment would be in September.

First available?  In September?  Are you kidding me?  The DC area is flooded with doctors and lawyers, and your first available is in September?  Is it that there are proportionally too many lawyers, and lawyers take too much time in your office?  I’d like to tell one of my clients that my first available appointment to talk is in September.

In no other profession can someone legitimately say that their first available is 4 months away.  Imagine you called Gold’s for a personal trainer and was told that the first available would be in September.  Or if you tried to book a flight and the airlines told you the first available would be 3 months after your friend’s wedding in Hawaii.  Or if you needed maid service, and Molly Maids said the dirt can wait until the fall.  And these examples don’t involve your health (ok, maybe dirt and personal trainer do, but whatever).  So doctors, I boycott you.

Damn it.  I can’t.  I need them.  Argh!!!!  I will remain in silent protest then.  When you tell me to open wide and say “Ahhh,” I will do so with the intention of sticking my tongue out at you.  When you ask me take deep breaths as you listen to my heart, my middle finger will figuratively be pointing at you.  And if you need an attorney, my first available is in September, biatch.

Sigh.

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Filed under Life, Personal Pontification, Things I Loathe, WTF?

Keith Olbermann kicks ass

Wow. Whether you’re liberal or conservative, you can appreciate the intensity of Keith Olbermann, who is my new political hero.

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Filed under Personal Pontification, Things I Loathe

Why California kicks some serious ass

Although some analysts believe that voters will undo the effect of this ruling, the California Supreme Court ruled today that the state’s ban on same-sex marriage violates the Constitution. Can I get a “duh” please?

I give two thumbs up to the 4 justices who issued this monumental ruling in the 4-3 decision. The ruling went up to the California Supreme Court from Superior Court Judge Richard Kramer, who ruled that the ban on same-sex marriage violated the “basic right to marry a person of one’s choice.” Approximately 50 years ago, when states banned interracial marriage, the California Supreme Court was the first to declare that ban unconstitutional. At the time, no doubt hundreds of thousands of Americans found such a ruling abhorrent and immoral; and the same will probably hold true for this ruling. Different people have different views on marriage. For some, it’s religious; for some, it’s spiritual; and for some, it’s to get a tax break (I kid, I kid). Whatever the reason, the mere fact that someone else’s marriage may be antithetical to what you believe marriage to encompass does not mean that the government should deprive one couple of rights that it affords to others.

And come on. Dumb and dumber can head to Vegas and get hitched by Elvis and create 10 crack-head children. Are you going to legislate that too?

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Filed under Life, Personal Pontification