Tag Archives: random

A 19 minute flight

I just took a 19-minute flight from Cincinnati to Lexington.  So basically, I got on the plane, heard the spiel about my seatbelt, took off, was informed I could use my iPod and immediately informed that all electronic devices must be shut off, put my seat back up, and landed.

It got me thinking.  What else can happen in 19 minutes?  CNN claims that you can clean your house in 19 minutes.  Well, I have news for CNN (can I get a knee slap for that pun?) — my 19 minutes are precious.  My 19 minutes are better spent watching Tila Tequila get a Shot at Love or watching Kendra Todd, wonky-eye extraordinaire, show me what houses are worth.  I don’t have 19 minutes to clean every day.  Whatever–this article just represents how CNN is really just trying to denigrate women to return to the confines of the home and lower the glass ceiling just a little more so that Anderson Cooper can take over the world and make the women of the world his 19-minute cleaning slaves.  Wait–does AC360 like women?  I digress.

19 minutes is also just the amount of time a working parent needs to spend with their children.  Research shows that a working “mum” spends less than a half hour with their kids–all 19 minutes of which is spent telling the kids to stop giggling when they say “mum.”  Isn’t it the case that once something is spoken with a British accent, it just sounds more intelligent?  I like my mum.  Would you like some tea and cookies?  I surely do like Prince Harry.  How about it old chap – let’s go to Big Ben!  I wonder what Brits think of Americans.  Last I checked, they were mocking our President and calling Tony Blair a “raggety little bitch.”  Oh wait.  I might have done that–with a British accent.  I’m getting old and my memory is failing.

Time your next 19 minutes and assess what you did in life.  Chances are, you realized that you spent the last 19 minutes stewing in your juices in an overly-priced office chair, wishing that you were on a beach in Hawaii, hoping you could win the lottery, cursing your boss, and listening to, “Damn it Feels Good to be a Gangsta.”  Because you, my friend, have 70 pieces of flair.

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Filed under Life, Travel

Kentucky Orgy

I am going to Lexington, Kentucky tomorrow.  I frankly have no idea what is in Lexington and would welcome any insight.  When I think of Kentucky, I think of Derby, bourbon, and turkeys.

What would happen if you combined the Derby, bourbon, and turkeys?  Would it be the Kentucky Orgy?  I’m envisioning Sea Biscuit prancing about, dodging turkeys plied with bourbon, and women with big hats like in Pretty Woman, stomping on divets caused by Sea Biscuit and avoiding vomit caused by drunk turkeys.  I am ranting.  I am tired.  I don’t get paid enough to be this tired.

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Filed under Legal Woes, Life

Congrats to JW & AS

Congrats to JW and AS on getting engaged! Yay! JW will now be JS, and for those of you who know the S in AS, you’ll giggle like me. S this and S that – nothing like the S.

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Filed under Life