Tag Archives: sarah palin

Palin is a Complete Moron: Part XIII

The baker’s dozen has been completed!  Thanks to the tip from AM, I can now say that I’ve met one of my new year’s resolutions and completed 13 posts about the moron named Sarah Palin.  Below, I present to you the youtube video that made my blogging dreams come true:

Let’s examine what the Idiot named Sarah Palin discusses during this interview.

Palin rails on “anonymous bloggers,” stating that it’s a “sad state of affairs” for the media to rely on such “anonymous bloggers” as sources of news.  Putting aside the fact that I am an anonymous blogger and I think Palin can suck it for suggesting that bloggers have no utility in the dissemination of information — I think it’s tough for Palin to stand on her high horse about the value of particular sources of information when she herself is devoid of any knowledge and believes in the power of witchcraft.  Shut it, you dumb ass.

Palin then blames the media’s treatment of her on “sexism” or “political” bias.  Seriously, you are a dumb ass.  The media was obsessed with you because of the still undetermined depths of your stupidity.  It’s not sexism.  Perhaps we should coin a new term for you and announce that the media was “moronist” in its treatment of you.  And that is just unfair!  Why can’t the media leave stupid people alone?  Why must the media elite, with their fancy education and wealth of knowledge, attack former sportscasters who skipped around a slew of shitty colleges for the fact that said sportscaster knows more about the best tanning bed than international affairs?

Palin also argues that the media unfairly ignored Michelle Obama while attacking Palin’s family.  Hey idiot.  Have you seen Michelle Obama?  The media couldn’t find anything on her except making remarks on Michelle’s wardrobe choices.  While you stood up there preaching about family values and abstinence, your daughter was knocking boots with the redneck townie.  You ever heard about that saying about people in glass houses?  You probably haven’t.  That requires a modicum of knowledge.

Palin blames (surprise!) the “upper echelon” of media power for forcing her to go back to Katie Couric for additional interviews after the first day disaster.  Ok.  So I suppose Palin is finally acknowledging that Katie — Look at my Colon — Couric destroyed Palin in an interview.  But blaming the upper echelon of media for essentially making her go back out there?  Yeah, you are a hell of a maverick.  I mean, don’t all mavericks just do whatever the “upper echelon” of power ask them to do?  You go with your mavericky self.

Palin finally answers the question regarding what publications she reads, stating that she reads the “local paper,” “USA Today,” and the “New York Times.”  First of all, I’m not sure she would understand the New York Times, in part because of her demonstrated lack of intelligence.  Second of all, she reads USA Today????  How can she rail on “anonymous bloggers” while relying on the “news” in USA Today?  I’m pretty confident that this post has more words than any USA Today article in the history of that newspaper.  When Palin was nominated as VP, the USA Today article probably stated:

McCain picks Sarah Palin.  Palin is a woman.  Palin is a governor of Alaska.

You moron.

In response to a question regarding how Palin feels about Katie Couric and Tina Fey being considered heroes among the media elite, Palin goes back to a stock response, stating that she’s happy to help because “job security is important.”  Yes, you moron.  Everything is about job security.  Hey Sarah!  Why are you so stupid? — It’s all about job security!

Palin then suggests that Caroline Kennedy will be handled with kid gloves, and the media’s treatment of Kennedy will prove a “class issue.”  Palin further suggests that if had been picked as the VP candidate for Obama, the media would have loved her.  First of all, Caroline Kennedy has not been treated with “kid gloves” but instead has been severely scrutinized for her lack of experience.  Second of all, if Obama had become drunk with stupidity and picked Palin, I would not be attending inauguration next week because Obama would not have won with that idiot at his side.  Third, what “class issue?”  Does everyone forget that Obama was raised by a single mother?  Again, Palin is again confusing a media bias against stupid people seeking positions of power with a different type of bias.

I will give Palin this.  She sure as hell made this “anonymous blogger” see her WordPress stats go up.  Thanks to the unbelievable extent of your stupidity, I was able to cultivate my critical writing skills.  Although I’m at Palin is a Complete Moron:  Part XIII, I will never stop in my “moronist” treatment of you.  So, stay mavericky and keep reminding us that even the stupid can have power in the American political landscape.

Advertisements

10 Comments

Filed under Personal Pontification, Plea to Tina Fey

Palin is a Complete Moron: Part XII

I’m almost at a baker’s dozen!  Oh dear Sarah . . . why must you make it so easy on me?  Check out this interview of the Moron.  Notice the two turkeys meeting their death behind the Moron, the latter of which can be seen kicking and convulsing as its head is likely chopped off in the guillotine.  Veggie turkey, anyone?

She’s “so thankful for the health and happiness” of her family.  And she will be preparing the turkey this year.  For someone who purportedly has aspirations of running for the presidency in 2012, the Moron really needs to stop drinking from the cup of stupid.  Shit, at this point, I’m convinced she actually has an ivy labeled “stupid” permanently attached to her arm.  I realize that shit like this might fly over well in Alaska, where a healthy portion of the population may raise their rifles in celebration at the public beheading of turkeys and where the popular drinking game may be taking a shot of Popov every time a moose dies a slow death after being maimed from a helicopter, but hell, I don’t know how this passes over in the rest of America.  Here in the mainland, we live blissfully in ignorance of the manner in which our annual turkey ends up on our plate.  Thanks for reminding us of the horrible death that befell the turkey leg on my plate.  I think I’m going to go heavy on the mashed potatoes this year.

Perhaps she’s just sending a message to Putin.  Hey Vladimir!  You see this turkey!  This is what Imma do to you if you enter our airspace!  So take that you little Russian bitch.  And when I’m done shoving your head in this guillotine, Imma drink yo vodka too!

That Sarah Palin.  Who wouldn’t want her in charge of our nukes?

Update:  You have to love the irony of the reporter asking about the “chopping block” at the same time as blood-splattered farmer shoves turkey No. 2 into the guillotine.

Update:  Further enjoy the fact that turkey No. 2 is convulsing while Palin states that she is “where [she] needs to be” to make the Thanksgiving turkey this year.

Further Update:  The Moron did this interview at “Triple D Farm and Hatchery.”  I shit you not.  I mean, doesn’t every former Miss Congeniality want to get Triple Ds?

Leave a comment

Filed under Personal Pontification

Johnny Mac on Leno – The Twitch Seen Round the World

Vodpod videos no longer available.

As many people know, Senator McCain appeared on The Tonight Show last night. Among other things, Leno asked Johnny Mac whether the Moron was a drag on the ticket. After discussing the First Dude’s snowmobile exploits, Johnny Mac states his belief that the Moron was a great candidate. Go to about 28:00. Then watch his left eye.

Yeah. That was a twitch. A twitch seen round the world. It’s taking all of Johnny Mac’s willpower to avoid stating the obvious. Why the hell did I let them force me to run with that idiot! I was demolished in the general election because my running mate didn’t know that Africa was a continent! God damn it. I hope Caribou Barbie dresses up like a moose and runs around the open fields of Alaska while drunk hunters board several helicopters to go search for a quick kill.

Leave a comment

Filed under Personal Pontification, Television

Palin is a Complete Moron: Part . . . Compilation

It wouldn’t be fair to add this as Part XII to my Palin is a Complete Moron series.  It’s more of a compilation of prior posts.

For those of you who believe that Palin would have made a qualified and knowledgeable Vice-President, watch this video and try to back up that assertion.  Porky Pig was more articulate than this dumb ass.

Leave a comment

Filed under Personal Pontification

Palin is a Complete Moron: Part XI

And you thought I was done with this series . . . Either the GOP has decided to throw Palin under the bus without justification or even senior Republican officials are finally recognizing the moron that is Sarah Palin.

Yes, the video above is from Fox News, the news station of evil.  Thus, Palin’s purported allies have now stated that Palin did not know the members of NAFTA — I doubt she even knew what NAFTA stood for, because if she did, she’d surely at least be able to guess what the members are.  Moron probably thought it was some division of NASA.  Palin also did not know that Africa was a continent, believing instead that Africa was a country.

Yeah Sarah.  So are South America and Europe.  Each is just one big country where people just happen to speak different languages.  Like in the U.S., where the blue states speak a variety of languages, including English, and the red states speak in tongue.

Although Obama and Biden’s victory has brought me indescribable joy (it’s still surreal to me), I am a bit disappointed that comedic fodder will now be in short supply.  Although the new administration promises to help ease the recession and concurrent loss of jobs, there will be one industry that will be harmed by an Obama administration — I’m imagining that writers on the Daily Show, the Rachel Maddow Show, Countdown etc. will soon be looking for new jobs.  Alas, these are the sacrifices we must make for the good of the nation.  I may never get to a baker’s dozen of this “Palin is a Complete Moron” series, but I’ll sure as hell try.  Because if I’ve learned anything from this campaign, it’s this:  Yes I Can.

Leave a comment

Filed under Personal Pontification

Thoughts

A few thoughts from BFF:

Tonight I had the honor and privilege of watching the presidential election results at a campaign office for a local African-American candidate in Los Angeles.  The office was located in South Los Angeles, and for those of you who are unfamiliar with the geography of this city, the area is more notoriously known as “South Central Los Angeles” – the site of the devastating riots in the early 1990s.  Forgive me for the cliche, however it was really a night that will forever be ingrained in my memory.

As we watched Barack Obama’s electoral tally creep up to 270, you could sense the anticipation and tension in the room growing.  People were mesmerized by the possibility that an African-American could be the leader of the free world.  When he blew past 270, I finally came to realize what this election meant.  This was not about economic stimulus plans or smoking out caves in Afghanistan or what defines a maverick.  As a child of refugees who has lived a relatively comfortable life, I was humbled by what I saw.  Grown men and women – who endured that “separate but equal” society for decades – dropped to their knees in joy and disbelief.  Their tears were uncontrollable.  Their hope insurmountable.  Strangers of all ethnicities hugged and kissed each other like they had known each other for years.  I even had a 300-lb African-American male pick me up and almost suffocate me in a bear hug.  No joke, these are things you just don’t see in Los Angeles.  This was my civil rights lesson.

To me though, the most moving moment of this night came from a conversation I overhead amidst all the festivities.  A small boy, maybe 5 years old, said to his father, “He’s like me.”  We just elected a man of mixed heritage, raised by a single mother, from a poor background, with no “royal” American lineage to be President of the United States.

And to you Sarah Palin, you should choose your words more carefully.  Yes, you just got beat by a community organizer.

Leave a comment

Filed under Life, Personal Pontification

Johnny Mac’s Campaign Strategy — A Retrospective Analysis

Calling Obama a terrorist didn’t work.  Implying he was a Muslim didn’t work.  Questioning his patriotism didn’t work.  And not only did they not work, they REALLY did not work.  Last night’s election was a trouncing of epic proportions.  Like when the 49ers beat the Broncos 55-10 in Super Bowl XXIV.  Or when the Rockies were swept from the World Series last year.  It was not even a race.  It was a demolition.

Every pundit will tell you that Johnny Mac’s major roadblock was Dubya.  That Dubya presented as a nearly insurmountable boulder in Johnny Mac’s path to victory.  So Johnny Mac decided to take on a two-prong strategy:  (1) he holds conservative ideals, such as interwining religion in government, just like Dubya; and (2) he is a Maverick who is not like Dubya.

After spending months on the campaign trail proclaiming that he is a “Maverick,” and having the little moron echo such sentiments by creating words such as “mavericky,” Johnny Mac should have tried something else.  Why didn’t Johnny Mac call Dubya the Maverick?  That Dubya abandoned the principles of the Republican Party and caused this country to spiral downwards into a religious governmental hell?  He intimated these points toward the end of his campaign — that the Republican party in power had forgotten about fiscal responsibility etc.  But Johnny Mac should have gone further.  Instead of adopting the Maverick platform, he should have declared that Dubya had gone completely rogue.  That voices were speaking to Dubya from the little plastic horse on Dubya’s Oval Office desk.  That Johnny Mac would simply return the Republican party back into office and that Dubya was getting all mavericky and shit.

On a different note, what the hell am I going to write about now that the election is over?  And what about my friends Rachel Maddow, Jon Stewart, and Stephen Colbert?  Can you make comedy out of hope?  Damn it!  I have nothing to ridicule!!!

Leave a comment

Filed under Personal Pontification