Tag Archives: snl

Palin is a Complete Moron: Part XIII

The baker’s dozen has been completed!  Thanks to the tip from AM, I can now say that I’ve met one of my new year’s resolutions and completed 13 posts about the moron named Sarah Palin.  Below, I present to you the youtube video that made my blogging dreams come true:

Let’s examine what the Idiot named Sarah Palin discusses during this interview.

Palin rails on “anonymous bloggers,” stating that it’s a “sad state of affairs” for the media to rely on such “anonymous bloggers” as sources of news.  Putting aside the fact that I am an anonymous blogger and I think Palin can suck it for suggesting that bloggers have no utility in the dissemination of information — I think it’s tough for Palin to stand on her high horse about the value of particular sources of information when she herself is devoid of any knowledge and believes in the power of witchcraft.  Shut it, you dumb ass.

Palin then blames the media’s treatment of her on “sexism” or “political” bias.  Seriously, you are a dumb ass.  The media was obsessed with you because of the still undetermined depths of your stupidity.  It’s not sexism.  Perhaps we should coin a new term for you and announce that the media was “moronist” in its treatment of you.  And that is just unfair!  Why can’t the media leave stupid people alone?  Why must the media elite, with their fancy education and wealth of knowledge, attack former sportscasters who skipped around a slew of shitty colleges for the fact that said sportscaster knows more about the best tanning bed than international affairs?

Palin also argues that the media unfairly ignored Michelle Obama while attacking Palin’s family.  Hey idiot.  Have you seen Michelle Obama?  The media couldn’t find anything on her except making remarks on Michelle’s wardrobe choices.  While you stood up there preaching about family values and abstinence, your daughter was knocking boots with the redneck townie.  You ever heard about that saying about people in glass houses?  You probably haven’t.  That requires a modicum of knowledge.

Palin blames (surprise!) the “upper echelon” of media power for forcing her to go back to Katie Couric for additional interviews after the first day disaster.  Ok.  So I suppose Palin is finally acknowledging that Katie — Look at my Colon — Couric destroyed Palin in an interview.  But blaming the upper echelon of media for essentially making her go back out there?  Yeah, you are a hell of a maverick.  I mean, don’t all mavericks just do whatever the “upper echelon” of power ask them to do?  You go with your mavericky self.

Palin finally answers the question regarding what publications she reads, stating that she reads the “local paper,” “USA Today,” and the “New York Times.”  First of all, I’m not sure she would understand the New York Times, in part because of her demonstrated lack of intelligence.  Second of all, she reads USA Today????  How can she rail on “anonymous bloggers” while relying on the “news” in USA Today?  I’m pretty confident that this post has more words than any USA Today article in the history of that newspaper.  When Palin was nominated as VP, the USA Today article probably stated:

McCain picks Sarah Palin.  Palin is a woman.  Palin is a governor of Alaska.

You moron.

In response to a question regarding how Palin feels about Katie Couric and Tina Fey being considered heroes among the media elite, Palin goes back to a stock response, stating that she’s happy to help because “job security is important.”  Yes, you moron.  Everything is about job security.  Hey Sarah!  Why are you so stupid? — It’s all about job security!

Palin then suggests that Caroline Kennedy will be handled with kid gloves, and the media’s treatment of Kennedy will prove a “class issue.”  Palin further suggests that if had been picked as the VP candidate for Obama, the media would have loved her.  First of all, Caroline Kennedy has not been treated with “kid gloves” but instead has been severely scrutinized for her lack of experience.  Second of all, if Obama had become drunk with stupidity and picked Palin, I would not be attending inauguration next week because Obama would not have won with that idiot at his side.  Third, what “class issue?”  Does everyone forget that Obama was raised by a single mother?  Again, Palin is again confusing a media bias against stupid people seeking positions of power with a different type of bias.

I will give Palin this.  She sure as hell made this “anonymous blogger” see her WordPress stats go up.  Thanks to the unbelievable extent of your stupidity, I was able to cultivate my critical writing skills.  Although I’m at Palin is a Complete Moron:  Part XIII, I will never stop in my “moronist” treatment of you.  So, stay mavericky and keep reminding us that even the stupid can have power in the American political landscape.

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My Love

Yeah yeah, it’s pretty shocking that I haven’t posted this video yet.  I’ve been waiting for Hulu or NBC to finally put the video online, but that wait was in vain, likely due to the “graphic” nature of this video.  I present to you yet another one of my musical, unhealthy obsessions:  Justin Timberlake.  In a leotard.  In heels.

My JT is damn confident in his masculinity.  And he sure as hell rocks that leotard.  He also works heels a hell of a lot better than me.  JT – can you teach me how to work them heels?

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Plea to Tina Fey – Palin Shows Some Leg

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In this week’s Plea to Tina Fey, I present to you Ms. Fey’s latest SNL appearance as top moron, Governor Palin.  In watching this newest appearance, with Tina Fey hiking up her skirt, I have discovered yet another task I could perform for Ms. Fey.  Personal trainer.  Although Tina Fey has, at times, engaged in self-deprecation with respect to her figure and her proclivity for the consumption of donuts, I’m sure most would admit that Ms. Fey is one hot mama.  I don’t know whether Tina Fey has a personal trainer or, if she has one, how much that trainer costs.  I do know one thing.  Although my physiology, kinesiology, and biology training is limited to a few classes in high school and a microbiology class in college where I learned about hemmorhoids; and my fitness knowledge originated from Billy Blanks, I could be of great assistance to Ms. Fey — and I would be virtually free.  Because unlike other personal trainers who enjoy their jobs, I don’t enjoy my job.  So, in training Ms. Fey, I can draw on years of discontentment and frustration to whip her in shape.  I will put Tina Fey on a heavy bag and cover that bag with pictures of the people who piss her off, including me, her personal trainer, as I will be screaming at her to hit me in the face even harder.

And best of all, in between sets, I could ask Tina whether she thinks I should go to Chicago to train in improv.  Or maybe Tina could read my manuscript.  Or maybe we could braid each other’s hair.  Ooo, or trade dirty librarian eyeglasses.  Discover me, Tina Fey!

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Filed under Fashion, Personal Pontification, Plea to Tina Fey

Palin Has Rhythm? You Don’t Say!

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Governor Palin appeared on Weekend Update on last night’s SNL, giving the country a definitive visual of the nation’s most popular MILF raising the roof.  I take my proverbial hat off to Governor Palin, who apparently has a greater sense of humor than I would have anticipated.  Of course, understanding mockery requires some modicum of intelligence, so she may have just been following the teleprompter when it said, “RAISE THE ROOF BITCH.”  I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt though.

And give it up to Amy Poehler, one hell of a future baby mama.  When that baby pops out, s/he’s going to be fierce!

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Tina Fey . . . and 11 Days Until 30 Rock

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Tina Fey appeared yet again last night on SNL.  Being that I am at peace with my lack of “life,” as defined by the popular kids in school, I stayed home and amazingly stayed up late enough to catch Tina in all her immaculate glory.  And boy, she did not disappoint.  This performance has renewed my pleas to Tina Fey.  I have now scoured the Internet for every known address of all T. Feys in Manhattan.  I will pepper these addresses with letters and self-drawn portraits.  Although I, by no means, am not, in any way shape or form, talented in the art of water colors, inclusion of such art will convey to Ms. Fey that I am more than willing to step out of my comfort zone for laughs.  This morning, I made my first water color portrait, and it is ready for shipment.  In examining such portrait, I will need to stress to Ms. Fey that, although the portrait may convey that I am psychotic and plan to carve out one of her eyes, it is not the case — I simply ran out of white watercolor and was forced to fill in one eye cavity with black, thereby making that eye look like Noah Bennet after he was shot in the face by Mohinder.  I digress.  Discover me, Tina Fey!

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Plea to Tina Fey – Let’s Try Flattery

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My comedic hero, Tina Fey, appeared yet again on SNL last Saturday (yes, that is redundant) to portray my favorite mentor for stupidity:  Sarah Palin.  Brilliant as always, Tina Fey was able to harness her comedic prowess and transform herself into a woman who, when pressed, probably could not even define the word “Maverick” that has become her fallback point of defense.  As I sit here with my morning tea, watching your clip on loop, I laugh heartily at every wink.  Tina Fey – you’re awesome.  Discover me, Tina Fey!

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Tina Fey is My Hero

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Yet another fabulous creation by my comedic hero, Tina Fey.

Tina, if you can hear me (or see my words if you want to get all literal and shit), be confident that I will go to great lengths to ridicule the woman you portray.  That I will climb the mountains of the world to uncover yet additional juicy facts that will allow me to lay waste to Palin’s reputation and enable me to open the world’s eyes to view the dolt of a politician she really is.  Discover me Tina Fey!

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