Although I am away on vacation, I certainly have not allowed myself to be completely out of touch with the real world. First off, can I get a whoot whoot to the Bruins, who beat the odds to beat Tennessee in overtime? Second, I must comment on this week’s RNC.
Let’s first talk about McCain’s pick of Sarah Palin. This pick came completely out of left field, as even Fox News pundits had not put Palin in the running. As an initial issue, some have compared Palin to Tina Fey in appearance, but I must object on Tina Fey’s behalf for such comparison, given that mere aesthetic similarities (brunette hair and glasses) should not suffice to place someone as fantastic as Ms. Fey with a gun-toting crazy woman like Ms. Palin. Although Johnny Mac’s pick was not exactly shocking, given that Ms. Palin immediately began appealing to Hillary Clinton supporters (such as me), I am nonetheless utterly offended by Johnny Mac and his crew. In between the rhetoric of Palin’s speech and the uproar of the NRA-loving crowd, I heard an appeal to Hillary supporters that–peeled of all its superficial layers, read like this:
My fellow Americans. This is a fabulous day in history, as the party of the people, the original Republican party, has chosen me to stand by Johnny Mac’s side as Vice-President. I understand that Johnny Mac may croak at any given time, despite the fact that he still carts his mother around like a piece of meat. I understand that when Johnny Mac’s time comes, I will have to step in to lead this country as Commander-in-Chief. I would like to appeal to all Democrats and Independents and Greens and Blues out there who wanted to vote for Hillary Clinton–I am Hillary Clinton. Together, we can make that final sawed-off shotgun blow to that ultimate glass ceiling. How am I like Hillary? Well, I have two boobs. Yes folks. Count ’em. Two jiggly boobies. I also have mammary glands, just like Hillary Clinton. If I bleed, I bleed XX chromosomes just like Hillary Clinton. Vote for me, because just like Hillary, I do not have a penis, and I do like the penis. Just like Hillary, I have given birth to children and possess child-bearing hips. Just like Hillary, I proudly wear skirt-suits with pearl necklaces and turquoise earrings. Vote for McCain/Palin. If you don’t, just admit to yourself that you are a sexist pig!
One more point I’d like to make about the RNC: What’s up with the RNC’s “Country First” slogan? I mean, seriously. Does this mean that if I don’t vote for the Republican ticket, I don’t put country first? How insulting is that? We can talk on and on about how Johnny Mac is the “original Maverick,” but apparently the original Maverick’s goal is to alienate as many people as possible who dissent, as these individuals apparently do not put country first.
Speaking of the people at the RNC, isn’t it funny that the GOP could barely get 10,000 people into their convention (50% of whom look like they might croak at any given time, no offense)? Compare that with the DNC, where crowds were spilling out of Mile-High Stadium. Ahh, the Republican party–always great fodder for comedic conversation.
I am rambling. Time to return to vacation!