Tag Archives: WTF?

Song of the Week — A Tribute to Fridays

This week’s song is an oldie, but goodie — Friday I’m in Love by The Cure.  As always, lyrics provided by LyricWiki:

I don’t care if Monday’s blue
Tuesday’s grey and Wednesday too
Thursday, I don’t care about you
It’s Friday, I’m in love

Monday you can fall apart
Tuesday, Wednesday break my heart
Thursday doesn’t even start
It’s Friday, I’m in love

Saturday, wait
Sunday always comes too late
But Friday never hesitates

I don’t care if Monday’s black
Tuesday, Wednesday heart attack
Thursday, never looking back
It’s Friday, I’m in love

Monday you can hold your head
Tuesday, Wednesday stay in bed
Oh Thursday watch the walls instead
It’s Friday, I’m in love

Saturday, wait
Sunday always comes too late
But Friday never hesitates

Dressed up to the eyes
It’s a wonderful surprise
To see your shoes and your spirits rise
Throwing out your frown
And just smiling at the sound
As sleek as a shriek
Spinning round and round
Always take a big bite
It’s such a gorgeous sight
To see you eat in the middle of the night
You can never get enough
Enough of this stuff
It’s Friday, I’m in love

I don’t care if Monday’s blue
Tuesday’s grey and Wednesday too
Thursday, I don’t care about you
It’s Friday, I’m in love

Monday you can fall apart
Tuesday, Wednesday break my heart
Thursday doesn’t even start
It’s Friday, I’m in love

I’m having a particularly rough week at work, so Friday couldn’t come any faster.  Of course, I doubt that my Friday will be like your Friday (viz. to be followed by two days of relaxation), so I may have to play this song next Friday instead.  At least, by the time I leave work, it’ll be late enough that I’ll get a seat on the Metro.  Nothing like looking at the glass half full, right?  It’s like if I became homeless and I found a nice clean bundle of newspapers to lay on the ground underneath a bridge to sleep.  Or if I attempted to jump off the Golden Gate Bridge and missed the water and found myself lying on a net designed to prevent people like me from perishing.  Or if I was hit by a car on a bike and I only broke one of my legs.  Ahh!  So much to be thankful for!

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Filed under Legal Woes, Song of the Week, WMATA - Metro

Palin is a Complete Moron: Part VII

Governor Palin has gone on the attack after Democratic candidate Barack Obama, including Obama’s association with Reverend Wright. In a recent interview, Palin had this to say about the Reverend Wright:

“To tell you the truth, Bill, I don’t know why that association isn’t discussed more, because those were appalling things that that pastor had said about our great country, and to have sat in the pews for 20 years and listened to that — with, I don’t know, a sense of condoning it, I guess, because he didn’t get up and leave — to me, that does say something about character. But, you know, I guess that would be a John McCain call on whether he wants to bring that up.”

Um . . . has everyone seen this video?

Reverend Wright is definitely an issue for Obama, but compared to this guy, Wright should be President!  Actually, apparently anybody can be VP and President these days, so I’m not sure if that analogy works.  According to Palin’s “pastor,” apparently God controls everything, God will help Palin win, and God will get rid of the witches?  Last I checked, separation of church and state was a fundamental component to American democracy — damn, even the Founders wanted to prevent governance on the basis of religion.  If you want to get to the meat of the witchcraft, fast forward to about 7:00.

One of the greatest misconceptions of the “liberal elite” and/or the agnostic and/or atheists in the world is that they have no morals — that they have no respect for religion.  I am not religious.  But I understand the value of religion.  I understand the draw of it and the benefits it provides to an orderly society.  However, religion is often the source of the most violent conflicts in the history of this world (there I go again, talking about the past!).  I believe one of the most valuable tenets of all strains of religion is not just tolerance, but respect for each other.  So Palin — do a little more than “tolerate” gay people — listen to your witch doctor.

I digress.  I do, however, find it incredibly difficult to believe that a single religion — out of the thousands of different religions in the world — is the one and only truth.  And by extension, that if you do not ascribe to that one single religion, you are wrong in the eyes of God, Jesus, Allah, or whatever higher power you believe in (and may end up in some version of hell).  To me, that’s a hard pill to swallow, and not just from a logical standpoint.

Speaking of logic, I digressed from my original point.  Dude.  Palin is a looney.  I’m just imagining her speaking with world leaders — Putin has seen this video.  He’s seen the debate where Palin gave shout-outs and winked every chance she had.  Putin is laughing at us.  He’s “rearing his head” and laughing at us.  Hey Sarah — can you see him from Alaska?

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Filed under Personal Pontification, WTF?

Song of the Week

This week’s song is performed by Jenny Owen Youngs and is entitled, “Fuck Was I.”  As is my custom and practice (how legalese is that?), I present to you the lyrics, from LyricWiki:

Love grows in me like a tumor,
parasite bent on devouring its host.
I’m developing my sense of humor,
till I can laugh at my heart between your teeth,
till I can laugh at my face beneath your feet.

Skillet on the stove; it’s such a temptation.
Maybe I’ll be the lucky one that doesn’t get burned.
What the fuck was I thinking?

Love plows through me like a dozer.
I’ve got more give than a bale of hay,
and there’s always a big mess left over.
What a did you do?
And what did you say?
What did you do? And what did you say?

Skillet on the stove; it’s such a temptation.
Maybe I’ll be the special one that doesn’t get burned.
What the fuck was I thinking?

Love tears me up like a demon
Opens the wounds and then fills them with lead.
And I’m having some trouble just breathing.
If we weren’t such good friends, I think that I’d hate you.
If we weren’t such good friends, I’d wish you were dead

Skillet on the stove; it’s such a temptation
Maybe I’ll be the special one that doesn’t get burned.
What the fuck was I thinking?
What the fuck was I thinking?
What the fuck was I thinking?

But it’s so embarrassing
I’m in this awkward and uncomfortable thing,
and I’m running out of places to hide in
I’m running out of places to hide in

Should you desire singing along, Reading Rainbow style, here is the video to this fabulous song (note I did not post the actual video, as it has been censored!):

I’m sure we can all relate to this song.  Indeed, the chorus of this song could be the theme song for many periods of our lives.  I submit to you these examples:

1.  You voted for Dubya because you bought into the Republican fear propaganda–cue “What the fuck was I thinking?”

2.  You purchased a gun for self-defense, placed the weapon into your pants like on television and subsequently became sterile–cue “What the fuck was I thinking?”

3.  You are an aspiring pyromaniac, and at a beach bonfire while others are singing Kumbaya and making smores, you decide to spray gasoline directly on the fire and subsequently lost your eyebrows–cue “What the fuck was I thinking?”

4.  You spot some pigeon eggs on your balcony, think they’re cute, and allow them to hatch and live on said balcony, leading to a balcony covered in crap and infested with disease of the most unknown kind–cue “What the fuck was I thinking?”

5.  Despite the lessons of Dubya, you again buy into Republican fear propaganda and vote for McCain, only to realize that the Maverick isn’t much of a Maverick at all and that our economy is still shredded and that countries all over the world laugh at our ineptitude–cue “What the fuck was I thinking?”

What else would qualify as a “What the fuck was I thinking?” event?

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Filed under Song of the Week, WTF?

National Geographic is Filming

On my balcony, that is.  Our lovely balcony in NoVa (that’s what peeps call it around here–y’all better respect!) has been home to at least two acts of wildlife.  Nothing particularly interesting like that time I saw two squirrels humping in Cambridge and how the male squirrel (assuming it was male, since it was the humper) chased after the female who ran away from shame after seeing the gaggle of humans pointing and staring at it while it did its thang.  Anyways, nothing interesting like that.  Let’s take the first instance in March of this year, when a falcon decided to rip a pigeon to shreds on our balcony, leaving in its path of destruction the pigeon’s feathers, blood, and guts (or shit–the jury’s still out on the green substance).  Below, I give you a picture aptly named, PREDATOR!

And yes, for those of you who are particularly perceptive, that is a box of Corona, which of course, officially makes us look like a bunch of college kids.  Well, not so much.  I suppose if we were in college, we couldn’t afford Corona and instead our balcony would be filled with several varieties of Boone’s (Strawberry Fields baby!), a couple boxes of wine (in a box, that is), and a mix of Natty Light and Keystone.

Now, you would think, with such a massacre occurring on our balcony, that pigeons would thereafter be permanently deterred from resting on our balcony.  Although the hubby did the best job he could in removing the feathers (sorry to anyone down below) and eliminating the other substances on the balcony, he certainly was not successful in fully ridding our balcony of Mr. Pigeon’s blood and guts.  Well, pigeons are f*cking stupid.  Because this weekend, we found out that some more pigeons had straight up set up home and shop on our balcony.  Here’s the hubby attempting to shoo the pigeons away:

Thank god our grill, pictured above, was still covered by the mover’s blankets.  Otherwise, anyone coming to our next BBQ will be in for one hell of a surprise.  Umm . . . yeah, that’s guacamole on your burger.  Mmm . . .

So what’s the point of this story?  Well, first, I hate birds.  I don’t know why anyone could think birds are cute.  They’re nasty.  They shit all over the place (this picture does not in anyway impart how foul (or fowl!) it smelt out there).  They stink.  They have nasty ass claws.  They don’t fetch.  They don’t sit on your lap.  They don’t even lick peanut butter off a spoon and lick their lips incessantly while drooling all over your feet as you laugh at their predicament.  To me, if it’s a bird, it either belongs on someone else’s farm, or on my plate.  Damn.  I want some dim sum.

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Filed under Things I Loathe, WTF?

We are not worthy

Meet Moshe Kai Cavalin.  He is 10 years old.  He stands at a petite 4′ 7″ and probably weighs 75 pounds dripping wet.  Cavalin likes soccer, Jackie Chan, and toy cars.  He is also an A+ college sophomore who hopes to be an astrophysicist before he can even legally drive.

Dude.  When I was 10, I didn’t know what “astrophysicist” meant.  I mean, I would have thought it bore some relation to the dog from the Jetsons (or is that what I think now?), but who the hell knows?  Cavalin is apparently fascinated by wormholes, which, I have to come find, are not holes from which worms crawl out of.  In the words of Cavalin, “[j]ust like black holes, they suck in particulate objects, and also like black holes, they also travel at escape velocity, which is, the speed to get out of there is faster than the speed of light.  I’d like to prove that wormholes are really there and prove all the theories are correct.”

WTF?  Ok, so this kid must be a total geek right?  Well, he’s also an accomplished martial artist and received A+s in physical education.  So this kid can talk circles around me and kick my ass?  The world is not fair.  Someone should get a DNA sample from this kid and clone him.  We could create a little country with a crapload of boy-geniuses who can kick ass.  And we can brainwash them to infiltrate McCain’s headquarters and steal Cindy McCain’s pills and watch the fun unravel.  Mwah hah hah.

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Filed under News to Amuse, WTF?

News to Amuse: The Flight from Hell

This is so not the mile-high club I wanted to be in: Gokhan Mutlu, of New York City, is suing JetBlue for damages in excess of $2 million. Mutlu alleges that a JetBlue pilot forced him to sit in the john for more than three hours during a cross-country flight from San Diego to New York. Mutlu boarded the flight on a “buddy pass,” which is a standby voucher that JetBlue employees can give to their friends and/or family. The flight was full, so Mutlu was given the jump seat. However, Mutlu claims, the pilot ordered him out of jump seat and into the poop seat. When the plane hit turbulence, Mutlu sat on the john, holding the handrails for support and praying that the fecal matter and piss in the toilet would stay in the toilet. Mutlu’s other damages include an inability to enter any restroom, forcing him to relieve himself in public places, which has caused him extreme embarrassment, especially when he took a big (and coincidentally quick) dump in front of the big screen at the opening of Speed Racer. Mutlu has also complained of damages to his olfactory system, as the entire world smells like the nasty hand soap they use in airplanes. Dude, that’s worth more than $2 million.

Disclaimer: read the article for the real story!

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Filed under News to Amuse, Travel, WTF?

News to Amuse – If I had 18 kids . . .

The Duggar family is at it again.  Apparently not satisfied with 17 children, Mrs. Duggar is now pregnant with number 18.  Inside sources reveal that the Duggar parents were taught, beginning at a very young age, that procreation is the entire purpose of life.  For the last two decades, Mr. Duggar has been seen with a perpetual smile on his face.  Mr. Duggar’s high school classmates proclaim, “Jim Bob (Duggar) has been strutting his sh*t ever since he got married.  My wife won’t even touch me.  Something about my big gut and smelly pits.  I would love to be in the church of Jim Bob Duggar.”  Mrs. Duggar, on the other hand, has spent the last 20 years walking around like the morning after a prom night to regret.

Imagine being pregnant for 162 months.  This woman has been pregnant for nearly 14 years.  I know people always talk about how pregnancy makes you glow and makes you feel like a woman–But seriously.  Her back must be shot to hell.  Between carting around a turkey in your belly and treating your husband like he’s a regular at the Pussycat Motel, this chick must REALLY feel like a woman.

Disclaimer:  the usual . . .

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Filed under News to Amuse, WTF?