In short time, I will be headed off on vacation for a week of much-needed rest and relaxation. Before I leave, I would like to make another plea to Tina Fey to discover me and my twisted mind.
Last weekend, I went to the local mall to search for Tina Fey. I know that, at least in Mean Girls, she frequents malls, so I figured a mall would be as good a place as any to “accidentally” run into Tina Fey. I first entered stores in which I believed Tina Fey might actually shop–Crate & Barrel, Pottery Barn, Nordstrom, Victoria’s Secret. I entered each shop, covering each aisle and corner of the store, searching for Tina Fey. In my hand was a manuscript yearning to be read. After I was satisfied that a visual survey was not successful, I went to Customer Service to ask if anyone had seen Tina Fey. While most just seemed puzzled by my request, the woman at Victoria’s Secret barely listened to my request at all. Despite her attempts at ignorance, I remained steadfast and continued to pester her with questions about Tina Fey while she attempted to measure the size of my rack.
Unfortunately, Tina Fey was nowhere to be found. I then proceeded to stores in which I believed Tina Fey could possibly enter, but was first distracted by a diversion into Banana Republic. Five hours into my search, I was exhausted. I began to believe that every brunette with glasses was Tina Fey. As I sat outside the Cinnabon, stuffing my face, I felt surrounded by Tina Feys. I took my icing covered fingers and began tracing letters on the food court table — DEAR MS. FEY, DISCOVER ME! Eventually, I was removed by mall security, kicking and screaming. After that quarrel, I stood outside the Payless Shoe Source and it dawned on me. Tina Fey does not live in Virginia. I must go to New York! I will find Tina Fey in a mall in New York!
What a vacation this will be!