I Need a New Name

Take a look at this fine piece of ass:

For football fans out there, you may recognize the above as Chad Johnson, Pro-Bowl wide receiver for the Cincinnati Bengals.  For those of you in the know, you are aware that Mr. Johnson is no longer Mr. Johnson.  Rather, he took the legal steps to enable him to post this new surname on his jersey:

Yes folks, meet Chad Ocho Cinco.  Isn’t that just a fantastic surname?  Looking at it on his jersey, I have the odd sense that it is repetitive, which perhaps could represent the fact that Chad Ocho Cinco will repeatedly make spectacular catches.  Or perhaps it’s intended to represent the acronym COC, which shows that Mr. Ocho Cinco is well-endowed.  Lastly, it perhaps signals that Mr. Ocho Cinco is quite traveled, as he chose to change his name in a cultural gesture to his Spanish-speaking brothers and sisters.

Mr. Ocho Cinco has inspired me.  I need a new surname–one that can be leveraged for my job perhaps.  I could be Alexis Motion Granted, for example in which case if I ever appear in Court, the judge will have to refer to me as Ms. Motion Granted, and my court appearances would be quite short.  Of course, if I’m on the opposite side of such motion, my “Motion Granted” surname would be quite the hindrance to my legal performance.  In that case, I could also change my surname to “Truth Teller” and I could introduce myself at a future jury trial as Alexis Truth Teller.  Or maybe I’ll go the COC route and change my name to Alexis Chow Emma, which subconciously tells the jury that I am an ACE.  Ahh, all the choices at my disposal.  COC, what would you choose?